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wintercompanion2009-07-03 06:47 pm
Yamx: Reaction (Jack/Nine) [PG]
Title: Reaction (1/1) Reaction Jack falls back against the door, breathing heavily. This is it. He knows what’s coming. He’s always been like this – cool and collected in a crisis, and as charming and suave as you please while it’s necessary to keep up a front. But once he’s alone… He fumbles to fasten the strange old-fashioned deadbolt on the door to the bedroom the Doctor assigned him – as far as possible away from Rose’s, he’s sure. Just as well. He’s not feeling very social right now. Reaction’s setting in. A wave of nausea hits him hard and he stumbles through the door to the en-suite bathroom. It’s not until he’s hanging over the toilet bowl, retching his guts out, that it occurs to Jack to wonder if the bathroom had been there when he first entered the room. He only recalls the one door, really. But then, he’s not at his best right now. He feels as if he’s brought up every bit of food he’s eaten in the last year, but still the retching won’t stop. It has turned into convulsive dry-heaving, and his hands are clinging to the rim so tightly his knuckles are as white as the porcelain. Just hang on, he tells himself, this will pass. It always does, of course. This is hardly his first crisis. But it’s never been this bad before. On the other hand, he’s never almost killed his entire species before, either. And not even on some heroic Time Agency mission gone wrong. For stupid, selfish greed. Jack takes a shuddering breath. He’ll get through this, just as he always does. He’ll spend a sleepless night, probably, but tomorrow at breakfast, he’ll be able to present his usual charming rogue front to the Doctor and Rose. If he can just lie down for a few hours, even without sleep, he’ll be fine. Now if only he could drag himself to the bed… He just needs a minute. His knees will stop feeling like butter any second now. Slowly, he pushes himself upright. He takes a shuddering breath and turns to the bathroom door. “What’s all this then, lad?” “N…nothing.” He tries to smile at the leather-clad figure leaning in the doorframe. Apparently, the deadbolt was more of a prop to make him feel secure than an actual obstacle to the Doctor on his own ship. Figures. “Just a stomach upset. Must be those damn bananas.” It’s a weak attempt at a joke, made even weaker by the hoarse tremble in his voice. The Doctor shakes his head. “Sit,” he says simply, jerking his head in the general direction of the bed. He puts out a hand to steady him. “Really, I’m fine…” Jack insists. “Yeah? That why you’re shaking like a badly adjusted temp-rotational spindle?” He attempts to glare at the Doctor, and it’s only when his eyes refuse to focus that he realizes they are brimming with tears. Now this is new. He can’t remember crying since the day of the invasion. The Doctor leads him to the bed and sits him down. “You need some rest.” Jack nods weakly. He’s expecting the Doctor to leave, but the other man sits down besides him. Jack cocks his head, confused. What does the Doctor want? “Go on then, tell me what this is all about.” “What it’s about?” Jack blurts out before he can stop himself. “What do you think? I almost destroyed the entire universe today!” The Doctor frowns in genuine puzzlement. “How’d you figure that?” Jack looks at him, confused. Surely, anyone owning a ship like this must know the first principle of time travel? “Paradox.” The Doctor’s watching him, clearly wanting him to elaborate. “It’s not just Earth, not just humans. If I’d done it, if I’d killed the entire human race, in 1941… I’d never have been born. Which sounds like a good thing right now, except then I could never have screwed this up in the first place, so mankind would have survived and I would have been born… A paradox. On a catastrophic scale. The whole universe would have collapsed.” To Jack’s utter astonishment, the Doctor laughs. Short, barking, but indubitably laughter. “What’s so funny about that?” The Doctor shakes his head. “Is that really what you think? That you, one silly little ape, could have destroyed the entire universe?” Jack is getting angry now. “I don’t know how much you know about temporal-spatial sciences, but all the experts agree that a paradox on a large enough scale would destabilize the temporal vectors, disintegrating spatial integrity until-" The Doctor raises a hand to silence him. “Enough with the pseudo-science.” The merriment is gone; the other man is now focused and intense. “Now you listen to me, lad. What you did was stupid. ‘course it was. Paradoxes are bad. And yes, this one would have been particularly nasty – from the inside. Earth, all its colonies, the species you lot communicated with, interbred with – a lot of people would have suffered the consequences of your idiocy.” Jack gulps and looks away, not sure if it’s the intense gaze or the words that make him shiver. A rough, cool hand is on his chin, tipping it up until he’s looking at the Doctor again. “But you wouldn’t have destroyed the universe. Space-time’s a lot more resilient than you humans give it credit for.” You humans? Just who is this man? But the question will have to wait. Jack can’t focus on it right now. He becomes aware of the Doctor’s hands on his shoulders. How long have they been there? Intense blue eyes are fixing him in a hard stare. “Won’t do anyone any good if you keep beating yourself up over this. It didn’t happen. 1941 is back on track, human race alive and well. It’s over.” It’s not that simple. “How do we know? I could still have messed up history, damaged the timeline…” The Doctor shakes his head. “You didn’t. Timeline’s fine. Trust me. I know.” There’s something in the Doctor’s eyes that makes it impossible to doubt him. Jack nods slightly, breathing more calmly. But he turns his gaze away. “No thanks to me.” “Well…” the Doctor begins, and his hand is on Jack’s chin again, forcing him to meet his gaze. “You’re hardly the hero of this piece, but you did all right in the end. Took care of the bomb. Almost died.” Jack swallows. “That doesn’t make up for it.” The Doctor’s eyes darken. “It never does. But stop beating yourself up about what might have been. Focus on what really did happen. Which is nothing, really. Just this once, everybody lived.” “And that makes it all right?” “Doesn’t matter if it’s all right. You have to move on. Live with it.” Jack shakes his head, angry now. “You don’t know what it’s like.” The Doctor’s fingers dig into his shoulders, squeezing painfully hard. Dark flames are suddenly burning in his gaze, and a burst of anger hits Jack with almost physical force. “You have no idea what I know, boy. None. Destroying a species? Ha. Destroying your own species?” His smile is colder than space. “You know nothing about guilt, lad. And you should thank whatever power you believe in for that on your knees every day.” The look in the Doctor’s eyes terrifies Jack. Dark, old, full of immeasurable pain – and utterly alien. “What are you?” Jack gasps, despite his desperate effort to bite back the words. Suddenly, the darkness and pain disappear and are replaced with a wide and slightly manic grin. The Doctor lets go of his shoulders, sits back and gives him a slight wave. “Hello. I’m the Doctor. And I’m here to make you feel better.” Jack doesn’t reply. Is too thrown by this complete change in demeanour. The Doctor sighs, and pats him on the back, looking like nothing so much as a concerned uncle. “Jack. You need to leave this behind you. You messed up. Now don’t ruin your life over what-ifs.” He’s not going to be thrown off the scent this time. “Who are you?” First, he’s sure the Doctor isn’t going to answer. But the other man looks at him, cocking his head to the side. He gaze is measuring, considering, and he finally seems to come to a decision. “I’m a Time Lord.” “That’s…” he was going to say ”impossible,” but looking at the man in front of him, and thinking of the oh-so-unbelievable ship they’re in, he suddenly realizes that it’s the only explanation that makes any sense. “Oh God…” The moment of his greatest humiliation was witnessed by the one person who can truly understand just how bad it was. By someone whose very purpose in life is to clean up the messes caused by idiots like him. He involuntarily shrinks back from the Doctor. “God, no.” The Doctor raises an eyebrow. “Heard of us, then.” “Only every day since joining the agency. But I thought…” He shakes his head. “What are you going to do to me?” “Do to you?” the Doctor asks. “What do you mean?” “Are you going to maroon me on some ice planet? Strand me in the Stone Age? Toss me out an airlock?” The Doctor grins. “Yep. That’s why I’m wasting my breath trying to make you feel better here. Want you to wave at me cheerfully when you’re sucked into the vortex.” All right, Jack realizes he’s being absurd. If the Doctor wanted him dead, he could just have let him blow up with his stolen Chula ship. But one doesn’t meet a legend – practically a god – every day. He’s always been told the Time Lords disappeared long ago – if they ever existed in the first place. He loved the legends, though, and he wanted to believe the Time Lords were real - secretly, he wished he could meet one. Only when he finally did, he was in the middle of committing an idiocy of truly epic proportions, completely denied responsibility, and generally did his best to make the man think him an arrogant ass with no brains. “You must want to punish me somehow!” “Must I?” “You’re a Time Lord! Guardian of the timelines! Preserver of history! And I… I almost…” The Doctor smiles mirthlessly. “Lad, if you knew some of the monumental screw-ups I’ve made…” Jack thinks back to the Doctor’s earlier words. Destroying a species. Destroying one’s own. Oh. The Doctor’s gaze turns sorrowful. “You want to be punished? Right, here’s your punishment: you’ll remember. Every day, for the rest of your life, you’ll remember what you almost did. And every time you’re about to do something, you’ll wonder if you’re headed towards another catastrophic blunder. And you’ll never, never be sure that it won’t happen again, that you won’t screw up even worse. You’ll have to live with that every day. Nothing to do with me, though: that’s just the kind of bloke you are.” Jack feels his throat go dry. The Doctor is right. And still, he feels like he’s getting off easy. “So you… you just forgive me?” The Doctor shakes his head gravely. “Can’t forgive you for this.” Jack looks away and tries to withdraw. Of course not. Shouldn’t even have asked. He doesn’t deserve forgiveness. The Doctor’s holding his shoulders firmly. “Not my place to.” He pauses, waiting until Jack meets his gaze again. “But I will if it’ll help you feel better.” Jack nods mutely. No matter what the Doctor says, he’s a Time Lord, and he’s the one who’s cleaned up Jack’s mess – if anyone has the authority to forgive Jack for what he's done, it’s him. The Doctor takes his face into both hands and looks at him intensely. “Captain Jack Harkness – I forgive you.” He leans in, and suddenly cold lips are covering Jack’s, firm yet tender, and for a moment, he’s held in a tight embrace. As quickly as it started, it’s over. Before Jack can even gather his wits enough to react, the Doctor’s at the door, opening it. “Sleep now. You need to rest,” the Doctor throws back over his shoulder, closing the door behind him. Jack lies back, crossing his arms behind his head. He doubts he’s going to get much sleep tonight. But contrary to what he thought half an hour ago, it’s not going to be guilt keeping him awake. It’s an entirely different kind of reaction. The End
Author: Yamx
Challenge: SUMMER (or Winter) HOLIDAYS; prompt 15: memory - the past – absolution – forgiveness
Rating: PG
Spoilers/warnings: “The Doctor Dances” (one small allusion to information that’s not revealed until “Adam”)
Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction; the characters are the property of the BBC and borrowed here without permission. No money was made.
Summary: Starts a few hours after TDD ends – Jack has a hard time dealing with the events of the day.
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*puts on mod hat* Btw, could you please edit the pairing into your subject line? Thanks! (That makes tagging a lot easier for us.)
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I will of course, but the reason I left it out was that (in my head), they're not a pairing yet by a long shot, and i didn't want people to expect more than the story delivers. But hey, you're the mod. :)
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Btw, I have a thought on one of the other prompts - is it allowed to post more than one entry per challenge?
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Yes, if you're making a living conning people, having someone see right through you is bound to be a bit unnerving. And then finding you're talking to a legend...
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Have you written anything else? I know you're very new to LiveJournal, but have you posted any other DW fic I could read? You're good.
Incidentally, this is the prompt I wrote my ficathon fic to, so I was fascinated to see what you'd done with it. Our stories couldn't be more different, despite the same prompt. Love this!
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Sorry, got a bit starstruck there for a moment. *sheepish grin* I can't wait to read your ficathon fic! :)
No, I haven't written any other Doctor Who fics yet - I didn't come right out and say so because I didn't want to give the impression that I was trying to do the "This is my first story in this fandom so please be gentle"-thing. I actually like concrit. ;)
I have, however, finished & posted two Les Miserables fics, if you're into that fandom at all. They're in the Pit, same username. There are also some much older fics in other fandoms I wrote years ago, but they are not currently online anywhere, and I wouldn't want to post them again without reworking them first.
Unfortunately, my schedule never let's me write as much as I'd like to, but I'm planning on writing more - I'm being harassed by a herd of both Jack/Doctor and OT3 plot bunnies. *g*
I started this fic just with the image in my head of Jack having his "reaction" - in the episode, he looks like he's going to throw up when he finally realizes that it WAS his fault, but then with being attacked by zombies, having to take care of the bomb, finding out that he has three minutes to live, and then being miraculously rescued, I always felt he never really had time to deal with the realization - he must have been running on adrenaline pretty much all way through.
I just can't believe that when everything was fixed, he just "got over it." Jack doesn't like to show it much (except to people he trusts), but he's really a deeply caring individual - just think of how much the fate of the real Jack Harkness affects him. (Not that I think I need to convince you. I've read your stories, after all. :) ) I always thought once he had time to really let it sink it, it'd hit him hard, even if everything was already "fixed" at this point.
Anyway, so I had this image of his locking the door behind him and having a complete meltdown, and the Doctor, who of course knows what's going on in his ship, finding him there. I didn't really know what would happen from there until I was writing it. The scene just played itself out in my head this way. :)
I think once the Doctor saw that Jack really, truly got how badly he'd screwed up, and honestly regretted it, he had no need to be scathing anymore. After all, as you so recently pointed out in "Suspicious Minds," he always realized Jack was being stupid, but not malicious. And he suffers enough from his own guilt that he wanted to give Jack at least some relief - knowing fully well that it wouldn't be enough, of course.
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You're absolutely right that Jack would be feeling racked by guilt - that sick expression on his face says it all, as you say. He isn't heartless, isn't a hardened criminal, isn't callous; if he was any of the above, he'd have escaped from the hospital the instant things started going bad. And I agree with you that the Doctor will have been aware of all that - even if in a number of my stories I have him treating Jack with suspicion regardless.
I'm being harassed by a herd of both Jack/Doctor and OT3 plot bunnies. *g*
This is very good news! OT3 and Doctor/Jack lovers are being so spoiled lately, what with fantastic newer authors such as
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Yes, Jack could have left them in the hospital, and he surely didn't have to go to the crash site with them. He says he does it to prove he's innocent, but really, why would he even care what two complete strangers think of him if he was really so hardened and callous?
Jack has always been a hero at heart - even when he was trying to "think of himself as a criminal." He only took money from (whom he perceived to be) the bad guys, and he made sure (or tried to) he didn't harm anyone. ("I even programmed its flight computer so it wouldn't land on anything living.") He could never stand seeing innocents suffer. (That's why this is not his first "reaction," though the worst one.) It's really a good thing the Doctor found him when he did, but he didn't turn Jack into a good person - he just gave him the opportunity to actively be one again. [/end ramble]
Thank you so much for reccing me! It worked! *points at comments below* :)
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Thank you so much for sharing this and I look forward to seeing what you come up with next. Great job! :)
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I'm glad you can see this happening; I can, too - in fact, it *kept* happening in my head until I agreed to write it down. I was really just trying to shut the guys up. ;)
As I said to Wendy, there are quite a few more bunnies hopping around here that I'll need to get rid off somehow... For some reason, my cat is useless at hunting them.
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Loved this -- I must admit that I rather like seeing Jack all vulnerable, and the interactions between him and the Doctor hit just the right note.
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Hope you don't mind my mentioning one small typo: Right, here’s you punishment. I assume that should be "your"?
You really should consider posting this on the dwfiction LJ comm. I know there are many people who would enjoy it who are not members of this more specialized comm. Also A Teaspoon and an Open Mind (http://www.whofic.com) is probably the biggest DW-specific Web archive. (Not everyone is on LJ, and many don't bother sorting through the dross in the Pit in order to find the occasional gold nugget.)
I hope you'll be writing more, soon. I was happy to see that you have OT3 leanings, as that's my favorite "pairing".
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I'm glad that line made you laugh - that was the intention. Figured the Doctor would try to inject some levity at that point. And Jack was truly convinced he was right - for all he knew, he'd gone through the best training in "temporal sciences" available (well, in fact he had, now that the Time Lord academy no longer exists), and he was convinced all the authorities he'd studied had time travel completely figured out. Now he's beginning to realize they barely scratched the surface...
Well, I can't post this anywhere else until this challenge closes... though I suppose I could go to dwfiction and post a link to here? (Still trying to figure out how LJ works.) Or I'll wait till the challenge closes and then post it there... Not sure if I want to get yet another account for something new, but I'll consider Teaspoon.
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I'm glad you liked that line - and the TARDIS is always great at knowing exactly what people need, of course. (If you can travel through time and space, turn London shop girls into bad wolves, and keep a Time Lord (more or less) in check, a bathroom poses no challenge! *g*) :)
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I think the strongest part of this story is your vivid description of Jack going through the awful, physical reaction to his screw-up. Though I love this line:
“Oh God…” The moment of his greatest humiliation was witnessed by the one person who can truly understand just how bad it was.
I also love the way you kind of come slant-wise at the notion of what's really behind the Doctor's know-it-all attitude. That he's the one person who can really tell Jack if he screwed up, because the Doctor's done worse, and he's the one person who can really offer absolution, because he knows exactly how bad it was.
On the con-crit side, your central dialogue section felt dialogue-heavy to me. Which isn't to say it was bad, just that the physical bits and the characters' thoughts didn't seem as present in that section. And I know I have a bias in this area, so take it with a grain of salt. :)
Hope to see more from you! *feeds the plot-bunnies carrots*
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Thank you! Yes, sometimes the Doctor is a know it all just because he actually knows it all. ;)
Your con-crit is well taken - I do sometimes have problems being descriptive enough. Because I basically write scenes as I "watch" them happen in my head (yes, I'm insane, didn't you know? *g*), my first drafts of conversations are often lots of dialog with minimum tags. Then I go back and add in the information readers needs because they inconveniently can't look into my head. But I sometimes find it hard to judge how much to put in. I like the dialog to speak for itself, so too much is not good, but too little can lead to a a "talking heads floating in space" feeling. ;D
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If you find any good DW comms, let me know. I have a Teaspoon account but I want to get more involved here as well. Good luck with your future endeavors!
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Do you know Better With Three ? It's a comm for OT3 stories, many of which are wonderful. :)
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I really love the fact that Jack isn't flirting and the Doctor is doing exactly the right thing and that the Doctor is the one to initiate contact. Because of Jack's usual flippant attitude, I think this makes it really genuine and really, really sweet.
Thank you so much for commenting on my post to dear_gnome, and having an interesting enough username that I clicked on it. This is honestly a treasure trove of brilliant fic and I am so glad I stumbled on it.
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I tend to write a lot of H/C, so if you're into that, you might find more of my fics to your liking. ;)
This was actually my first Doctor Who fanfic ever, and I'm still quite proud of how it turned out. The idea just grabbed me by the throat and demanded to be written, because I just knew Jack wasn't over what he'd done by the end of TDD. And yes, he's too emotionally raw here to put up a front, and the Doctor likes him a whole lot better once he knows Jack truly realizes how badly he screwed up.
Thanks again! :)
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I'm surprised to hear that this was your starting point, tbh. This reads like it's been expertly put together and the characters are just flawless. I am seriously impressed. Would you mind if I friended you?
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Yes, Jack was only with Nine in The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, Boom Town, and Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways. Then we lost them both. :( I really wish we'd have had more time with them, hence my creating insane amounts of fanfic pretending we did. ;)
This fic felt very driven by the characters. I felt more or less like I was just watching them and writing it down.
No, of course not, I'd be honored if you friended me. :)
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I'm far more impressed that you wrote it all, trust me. You're very, very good and you write the style I love. I am a little jealous you have the characters in your head like this. I watch the show and read the fic, but I can't do more because they don't work in my mind, so I'm jealous twice over. :)
I don't actually think Jack met up with the Doctor until TDD, iirc he was only with Rose in TEC. Which makes you even more wonderful!
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At any rate, they didn't have long enough together!
Thanks again for the compliments. :) I'm working on several fics right now--though work's been busy--so I hope to have something new up soon. :)
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Glad to hear about works in progress! You're up on my friends page, so I'll tell you how great you are whenever they go up. :)