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wintercompanion2008-09-05 05:51 pm
jovialien.livejournal.com) wrote in wintercompanion2008-09-05 05:51 pm
Entry tags:
Knight of the woeful countenance 5/6
Title: Knight of the Woeful Countenance
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jovialien
Characters: Jack, Ten, Martha, Sarah Jane, Mickey, Gwen, Ianto, mentions of Rose and Donna
Ratings: PG13 for angst
Warnings: Spoilers for Journeys End
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I just borrow them occasionally.
Summary: When you don't know who you are who will you choose to be?
Authors Notes: Written for the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
wintercompanion challenge prompt "Amnesia" and inspired by John Barrowman singing Man of La Mancha.
Jack slipped out of the bunk, being careful not to wake Ianto, and climbed up the ladder, emerging into the dark hub. The Doctor was still in exactly the same place but this time his eyes tracked Jack as he moved across the hub, climbing the stairs slowly, almost as though they led to the gallows. He entered the room and found the heat and smell of the plants filling his senses, almost soothing in comparison to the ache in his body and soul. The Doctor turned in his chair, the Viking helmet on his head and a gardening rod pulled from one of the plants tubs resting across his lap. He gave no sign other than the slow movement of his eyes tracking Jack’s every move that he even knew Jack was there.
Jack moved forwards to kneel in front of him, looking up into those eyes and seeing... not blankness but rather something else. “Are you really sick or just hiding Doctor?” The Doctor did not answer and Jack reached out, lifting the Time Lord’s hands from his lap and placing them over his cheeks, nuzzling against them softly. “Do you remember me at all?” He kissed the Doctor’s right palm with a tender press of his lips and smiled sadly. “I know all the lines on this hand. I had years to study it. My hand in a jar.” If the Doctor or the Don found those words strange he didn’t react so Jack continued.
“I remember when I first met you. Dr Spock. And Rose. You remember Rose. I loved you both so much.” He kissed the Doctors palm again, holding it tight against his face. “Why won’t you let me in Doctor? What’s going on inside that head of yours?” He leaned forwards, resting his head on the Doctor’s lap. “I want to help you. Please Doctor.” He nuzzled against the Doctor’s hands but didn’t notice as they responded, fingers twitching towards his temples, didn’t realise until he felt it at the back of his mind. A voice calling.
“Jack.” He closed his eyes, the better to concentrate, but he could see the doorway, he could hear the Doctor’s voice but the Doctor did not come into his mind. Jack took the invitation and instead walked forwards into his.
**************************
His own reflection shone back at him a hundred times, a room full of mirrors and in each of them his face. And the Doctor’s. “Doctor?” As much as he tried he couldn’t make out the real Doctor so settled for staring into the mirror, seeing the Doctor sit slumped on the floor behind him.
“Go away.” He had not expected to see the Doctor so beaten, so despairing.
“Doctor please, where are you?” The huddled figure looked up and frowned at him.
“Who’s the Doctor?” Jack slammed a hand against the mirror hard, staring into the glass as though the Doctor was on the other side of it rather than a reflection.
“You are. Doctor please, we need you. You need to stop this, you need to see reality and stop this madness. We need you back...” He paused, leaning his head against the cool glass as his eyes closed. “I need you. This life is hard enough Doctor, I need you. I need something to believe in too, someone to look up to, something to aspire too! I need you to come back.” He opened his eyes with a weary gaze. “I need you to see me for who I really am, who we all are. I need you to see life as it is.” The Doctor stirred at this, staring angrily into Jack’s eyes as he pulled back from the glass.
“Life as it is?” The Doctor stood, moving towards the glass, appearing to stand right behind Jack although he somehow knew if he span round the Doctor would not be there. “I have lived for over 900 years Jack. I’ve seen life as it is.” He stared deep into Jack’s eyes, imploring him. “I have been a soldier. I’ve been a prisoner. I’ve seen my family die, my friends killed a piece at a time, turned into weapons or slaves or worse. I’ve hurt people I love, I’ve destroyed them and for what?! Every time I fight, every time we win the monsters just come back, worse than ever! I thought I was doing good Jack, I thought I was helping her but I ruined her life. She was better off without me.” Jack frowned and shook his head in confusion.
“Rose is fine, she’s happy, she...” It was then he saw it, a ghost of a reflection in the glass behind them both. “Oh. Donna...” He watched as she sang, her voice no more than a whisper.
“Won’t you see what your gentle insanities do to me, rob me of anger and give me despair, blows and abuse I can take and give back again, tenderness I cannot bear...” Jack shook his head sadly.
“The Doctor Donna. She’s still in here isn’t she? Doctor it’s not your fault, she is safe, she’s at home, I spoke to her grandfather, she’s going to be just fine.” The Doctor shook his head and moved closer, standing so close Jack could almost feel him behind his back.
“She’s fine but that’s all! I thought I was helping her, I thought she was having a better life with me but all I did was ruin everything! Jack, she was my friend and I killed her...” He could see the tears running down the Doctor’s face and wanted nothing more than to hold him tight, to kiss each one away. “This is what reality is Jack!” Behind him Jack watched as the ghostly Donna continued to sing, the song driving the Doctor mad with every note.
“You have shown me the sky but what good is the sky, to a creature who’ll never do better than cruel, of all the cruel bastards who’ve badgered and battered me, you are the cruellest of all!” Jack span, wanting to grab the Doctor but all he found was another mirror, the same reflection in it, the Doctor behind him again.
“You don’t understand, yes Donna fell but we are all still here Doctor and we need you. I need you! Please!” The Doctor put his hands over his ears, slumping behind Jack again, falling to his knees.
“I have seen life as it is Jack, I have seen insanity and pain and horror and the maddest thing of all Jack? To see life as it is and not as it should be. I lost her Jack. I lose everyone. There is no hope, no future for me, what do I have to look forward to? You all die, you all leave me. And I can’t do it any more. I won’t! I won’t!” Jack growled low in his throat and slammed his palms against the mirror again, the image shaking as he stared into it.
“You think you’re the only one who knows pain and loss Doctor? That you are the only one who suffers? 900 years, big deal, I’ve been around for over 2000 and still looking good. You have 13 lives, I have died so many times I can’t count any more. You think I don’t look around at this world sometimes and want to just leave it to it, that they are not worth saving?” He glared at the slumped figure and slapped the glass again. “That I don’t have at the back of my mind every time I’m with someone I love that one day they will leave me?”
“Doctor, one day even you may leave me. I might outlive you and that is the scariest thought I have ever faced. So don’t you sit there and sulk like an overgrown child. Get up on your feet Doctor. You want something to fight for? Fight for yourself. Or you may as well just give up and die right now because you’re right, we leave you.” He pointed to their reflections in the glass. “This is what you carry with you, what you have to face and fight for. Him. And all he stands for, all he represents. All he wants to see and do and feel still. All the people he has yet to meet, to save, to love and yes, to lose. You can ignore them all you want, hide here if you choose. You can be locked in this shell forever, they won’t know any different, they will just shine a little less brightly.” He slammed teh glass once more angrily.
“The only one you have to fight for, to believe in, is you. Not anyone else but who you are, and who you want to be.” He slammed the glass again, fine cracks starting to appear under his fingers. “So Doctor, what’s it to be, die as a knight errant? Or fight as a champion?” The Doctor finally looked up again, his eyes meeting Jack’s before hesitating, as thought he wanted to say something before the Doctor stared at his own reflection. Jack watched in horror as the mirror shattered, then the one next to it exploded, and the one beside it and the next an the next, doors appearing instead. The one in front of him opened and without a backward glance he ran through it before it was too late.
As he opened his eyes he lifted his head off the Doctor’s lap and looked into his eyes. There was no madness, no knight errant any more. But no Doctor either. There was nothing.
hyperlink: Part Six
Author:
jovialienCharacters: Jack, Ten, Martha, Sarah Jane, Mickey, Gwen, Ianto, mentions of Rose and Donna
Ratings: PG13 for angst
Warnings: Spoilers for Journeys End
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I just borrow them occasionally.
Summary: When you don't know who you are who will you choose to be?
Authors Notes: Written for the
wintercompanion challenge prompt "Amnesia" and inspired by John Barrowman singing Man of La Mancha.Jack slipped out of the bunk, being careful not to wake Ianto, and climbed up the ladder, emerging into the dark hub. The Doctor was still in exactly the same place but this time his eyes tracked Jack as he moved across the hub, climbing the stairs slowly, almost as though they led to the gallows. He entered the room and found the heat and smell of the plants filling his senses, almost soothing in comparison to the ache in his body and soul. The Doctor turned in his chair, the Viking helmet on his head and a gardening rod pulled from one of the plants tubs resting across his lap. He gave no sign other than the slow movement of his eyes tracking Jack’s every move that he even knew Jack was there.
Jack moved forwards to kneel in front of him, looking up into those eyes and seeing... not blankness but rather something else. “Are you really sick or just hiding Doctor?” The Doctor did not answer and Jack reached out, lifting the Time Lord’s hands from his lap and placing them over his cheeks, nuzzling against them softly. “Do you remember me at all?” He kissed the Doctor’s right palm with a tender press of his lips and smiled sadly. “I know all the lines on this hand. I had years to study it. My hand in a jar.” If the Doctor or the Don found those words strange he didn’t react so Jack continued.
“I remember when I first met you. Dr Spock. And Rose. You remember Rose. I loved you both so much.” He kissed the Doctors palm again, holding it tight against his face. “Why won’t you let me in Doctor? What’s going on inside that head of yours?” He leaned forwards, resting his head on the Doctor’s lap. “I want to help you. Please Doctor.” He nuzzled against the Doctor’s hands but didn’t notice as they responded, fingers twitching towards his temples, didn’t realise until he felt it at the back of his mind. A voice calling.
“Jack.” He closed his eyes, the better to concentrate, but he could see the doorway, he could hear the Doctor’s voice but the Doctor did not come into his mind. Jack took the invitation and instead walked forwards into his.
**************************
His own reflection shone back at him a hundred times, a room full of mirrors and in each of them his face. And the Doctor’s. “Doctor?” As much as he tried he couldn’t make out the real Doctor so settled for staring into the mirror, seeing the Doctor sit slumped on the floor behind him.
“Go away.” He had not expected to see the Doctor so beaten, so despairing.
“Doctor please, where are you?” The huddled figure looked up and frowned at him.
“Who’s the Doctor?” Jack slammed a hand against the mirror hard, staring into the glass as though the Doctor was on the other side of it rather than a reflection.
“You are. Doctor please, we need you. You need to stop this, you need to see reality and stop this madness. We need you back...” He paused, leaning his head against the cool glass as his eyes closed. “I need you. This life is hard enough Doctor, I need you. I need something to believe in too, someone to look up to, something to aspire too! I need you to come back.” He opened his eyes with a weary gaze. “I need you to see me for who I really am, who we all are. I need you to see life as it is.” The Doctor stirred at this, staring angrily into Jack’s eyes as he pulled back from the glass.
“Life as it is?” The Doctor stood, moving towards the glass, appearing to stand right behind Jack although he somehow knew if he span round the Doctor would not be there. “I have lived for over 900 years Jack. I’ve seen life as it is.” He stared deep into Jack’s eyes, imploring him. “I have been a soldier. I’ve been a prisoner. I’ve seen my family die, my friends killed a piece at a time, turned into weapons or slaves or worse. I’ve hurt people I love, I’ve destroyed them and for what?! Every time I fight, every time we win the monsters just come back, worse than ever! I thought I was doing good Jack, I thought I was helping her but I ruined her life. She was better off without me.” Jack frowned and shook his head in confusion.
“Rose is fine, she’s happy, she...” It was then he saw it, a ghost of a reflection in the glass behind them both. “Oh. Donna...” He watched as she sang, her voice no more than a whisper.
“Won’t you see what your gentle insanities do to me, rob me of anger and give me despair, blows and abuse I can take and give back again, tenderness I cannot bear...” Jack shook his head sadly.
“The Doctor Donna. She’s still in here isn’t she? Doctor it’s not your fault, she is safe, she’s at home, I spoke to her grandfather, she’s going to be just fine.” The Doctor shook his head and moved closer, standing so close Jack could almost feel him behind his back.
“She’s fine but that’s all! I thought I was helping her, I thought she was having a better life with me but all I did was ruin everything! Jack, she was my friend and I killed her...” He could see the tears running down the Doctor’s face and wanted nothing more than to hold him tight, to kiss each one away. “This is what reality is Jack!” Behind him Jack watched as the ghostly Donna continued to sing, the song driving the Doctor mad with every note.
“You have shown me the sky but what good is the sky, to a creature who’ll never do better than cruel, of all the cruel bastards who’ve badgered and battered me, you are the cruellest of all!” Jack span, wanting to grab the Doctor but all he found was another mirror, the same reflection in it, the Doctor behind him again.
“You don’t understand, yes Donna fell but we are all still here Doctor and we need you. I need you! Please!” The Doctor put his hands over his ears, slumping behind Jack again, falling to his knees.
“I have seen life as it is Jack, I have seen insanity and pain and horror and the maddest thing of all Jack? To see life as it is and not as it should be. I lost her Jack. I lose everyone. There is no hope, no future for me, what do I have to look forward to? You all die, you all leave me. And I can’t do it any more. I won’t! I won’t!” Jack growled low in his throat and slammed his palms against the mirror again, the image shaking as he stared into it.
“You think you’re the only one who knows pain and loss Doctor? That you are the only one who suffers? 900 years, big deal, I’ve been around for over 2000 and still looking good. You have 13 lives, I have died so many times I can’t count any more. You think I don’t look around at this world sometimes and want to just leave it to it, that they are not worth saving?” He glared at the slumped figure and slapped the glass again. “That I don’t have at the back of my mind every time I’m with someone I love that one day they will leave me?”
“Doctor, one day even you may leave me. I might outlive you and that is the scariest thought I have ever faced. So don’t you sit there and sulk like an overgrown child. Get up on your feet Doctor. You want something to fight for? Fight for yourself. Or you may as well just give up and die right now because you’re right, we leave you.” He pointed to their reflections in the glass. “This is what you carry with you, what you have to face and fight for. Him. And all he stands for, all he represents. All he wants to see and do and feel still. All the people he has yet to meet, to save, to love and yes, to lose. You can ignore them all you want, hide here if you choose. You can be locked in this shell forever, they won’t know any different, they will just shine a little less brightly.” He slammed teh glass once more angrily.
“The only one you have to fight for, to believe in, is you. Not anyone else but who you are, and who you want to be.” He slammed the glass again, fine cracks starting to appear under his fingers. “So Doctor, what’s it to be, die as a knight errant? Or fight as a champion?” The Doctor finally looked up again, his eyes meeting Jack’s before hesitating, as thought he wanted to say something before the Doctor stared at his own reflection. Jack watched in horror as the mirror shattered, then the one next to it exploded, and the one beside it and the next an the next, doors appearing instead. The one in front of him opened and without a backward glance he ran through it before it was too late.
As he opened his eyes he lifted his head off the Doctor’s lap and looked into his eyes. There was no madness, no knight errant any more. But no Doctor either. There was nothing.
hyperlink: Part Six
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and i don't think jack has been around for 2,000 years. i think it's actucally more like a little over 100, or like 150 years.
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