42footprints: Amnesia (Jack/Doctor) [PG]

[neon-footprint.livejournal.com]

Title: Amnesia
Author: 42footprints
Challenge: Amnesia at wintercompanion 
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None specifically.

You don't forget nothing, you just don't think
to call it to mind, the flotsam of boredom
washing against the conscious sands,
shifting with memory.  Something happens,
the stone in the ocean, that's when you forget.
It's like watching the forces that make a black hole;
the massive implosion of a supernova
dragging itself into non-existence.

There's a hole in my mind.  I think you can feel
how it swallows time.  I dream about it
reversing its flow, til the things I've forgotten
are spat like cherry stones out of a window
to pepper the garden with stained lipped laughter.
Maybe I did that.  Want to find out with me?

Comments

[adoringheart00.livejournal.com]

I'm wondering whether this was done deliberately, but you have a double negative in the first line. Would using the word 'anything' have thrown your meter/rhythm?

But apart from that, you have a wonderful poem; you use very concise, descriptive similes. Lovely.

[neon-footprint.livejournal.com]

Hi there!

Yes, definitely done deliberately. The point being that you forget something, not nothing. There are things we all don't remember exactly, but to forget something it must have been something important to begin with. Convoluted, huh?

Thank you for the compliments, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[adoringheart00.livejournal.com]

*giggle* Ok then, I see your point :) Yes, it's very convoluted! *giggle*

[neon-footprint.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the inside of my mind. Jack's like that for me, he either makes things very simple indeed, or his thoughts look like a knitting pattern! I'm a bit of a grammar diva, so if I do something silly like a double negative I'd always rather someone pointed it out. Just in case it's a mistake. Heaven forbid :)

[adoringheart00.livejournal.com]

I haven't heard that phrase before; grammar diva! Guess I'm one too then, I can be extremely picky on grammar. :D

Haha! That's exactly how Jack should be, I think. None of the Doctor Who/Torchwood characters have personalities/characters that are easy to define. At least, they're not easy to define in accordance to writing for every prompt! *giggle*