ext_24177 ([identity profile] jovialien.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] wintercompanion2008-09-05 05:43 pm

Knight of the woeful countenance 3/6

Title: Knight of the Woeful Countenance
Author:[livejournal.com profile] jovialien
Characters: Jack, Ten, Martha, Sarah Jane, Mickey, Gwen, Ianto, mentions of Rose and Donna
Ratings: PG13 for angst
Warnings: Spoilers for Journeys End
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I just borrow them occasionally.
Summary: When you don't know who you are who will you choose to be?
Authors Notes: Written for the [livejournal.com profile] wintercompanion challenge prompt "Amnesia" and inspired by John Barrowman singing Man of La Mancha.

Jack hid in his office, his head in his hands as he tried to keep it together. Ianto and Martha were brilliant, keeping the Doctor calm and happy and in keeping with his fantasy. They were so calm and collected even though he could see this was killing Martha as much as him. She was so much stronger than any of them. But Jack.... He couldn’t do it. He kept wanting to march in there and grab the Doctor and shake him, kiss him, do whatever it took to wake him up. “Penny for your thoughts?” Gwen peered round the door and grinned softly at him as he looked up. “Can I come in?” He nodded and indicated the chair opposite his desk, his face turning to the window to watch Martha and Mickey talking to the Doctor, asking him about his battles and trying to draw him out of his delusion as gently as possible. Gwen sat and watched Jack carefully. “He means a lot to you doesn’t he.” Jack laughed bitterly and finally faced her as he leaned forwards, his whole body language telling his exhaustion and fear.

“He is everything. He is who I... Who I look up to. I would follow him into hell itself. Actually I did. I died for him. I waited for him. I...” He chuckled and she leaned forwards with a quizzical look, smiling encouragement at him.

“What?” He stared back at her hollowly.

“I always felt that if I ever do finally die, that he will be there. That when this all ends he will be with me, watching over me. I’ve never doubted him. I thought I never would but this...” He looked out as the Doctor jumped onto the coffee table, the helmet back on his head as he mimed stabbing a Dalek with his imaginary sword, an expression of frenzied joy on his face. “It’s not him. How do I bring him back?” Gwen leaned back in her chair again, following his gaze and shrugged.

“It’s not like there’s a big crisis at the moment. He doesn’t need to be the Doctor right now, maybe it would be kinder to leave him as he is.” She frowned slightly as a thought occurred to her. “What happened to the woman who was travelling with him? Why isn’t she here?” Jack felt a wry grin tug at his lips then stared at his fingers on the table, playing with a pen.

“I rang her house as soon as he turned up. Spoke to her granddad of all people.” He looked out at the Doctor again, his heart breaking a little more. “She doesn’t remember him. Us. Any of it. He had to wipe her mind to save her life.” Gwen gasped and leaned forwards again, her gaze going to the Doctor.

“Oh my god. No wonder he’s...” Jack nodded and leaned on the desk heavily, his eyes watering.

“I don’t know how to do this Gwen. I don’t know how to help him and I’m so scared I’m going to lose him.”

“Oh Jack.” In an instant she was on her feet, moving around the desk and wrapping her arms around him. “Hey, this isn’t like you. We’ll get through this, all of us. Sarah Jane’s driving down tonight as soon as she can get her son to a friends house and maybe she can get through to him, she knew him before any of you did, maybe those memories will be more reachable.” She leaned in and kissed his forehead tenderly. “Come on Jack. Why don’t you come out and have a chat with him. It can’t hurt.” He shook his head fiercely and glared out the window at the others as they clapped as the Doctor jumped off the table, stabbing his imaginary Dalek fiercely.

“I can’t do it. I’m sorry Gwen. I can’t.” She hugged him tight, standing and kissing the top of his head, ruffling his hair almost like a child.

“We’ll take care of him. You come down when you’re ready.” She let her arms slide off his skin, his hands rubbing over hers as though trying to keep her with him. “It will be ok.” He couldn’t help staring, the Doctor looking up and catching his eyes for a moment. The Doctor seemed to hesitate for a moment then turned away again, returning to his story with gusto. Jack didn’t watch as Gwen left, his eyes never leaving the Doctor. But whether intentional or accidental the Doctor didn’t look at him again.


Part Four

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