ext_20790 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
sarkywoman.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
wintercompanion2008-01-29 12:02 am
sarkywoman.livejournal.com) wrote in wintercompanion2008-01-29 12:02 am
Entry tags:
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sarkywoman: New Traditions (10/Jack, Jack/Ianto) [PG]
Title: New Traditions
Author:sarkywoman
Challenge: New Year
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Set after 'Voyage of the Damned' in Doctor Who and series 1 of Torchwood.
Summary: The Doctor's loneliness is overwhelming him. But five years on, Jack is beginning to suspect something more serious is affecting his beloved Time Lord. Can he let it drag him away from his new life in Cardiff?
Notes: This was really tough to write and I think it's a bit weird. I don't know. I'll be happy to discuss any confusion in reviews, as usual.
New Traditions
Jack hadn’t expected to see the Doctor again for a very long time. He’d been dropped off in Cardiff in the autumn, left to run back to the responsibilities he’d deemed so important. A few months passed, the world was nearly lost then sort of saved over and over again.
Then, on New Year’s Eve, the Tardis materialised on the steps outside the Hub. The timing was perfect (depending on your point of view), as Jack was just passing on his way to meet with his team at the bar.
The Doctor leaned out and took a look around, smiling when he saw Jack. “Hello Captain.”
“Hello Doctor,” Jack smiled back, ignoring that funny feeling in his stomach that always threatened to take away his common sense. “Come to wish me a happy new year?”
“Oh, is it New Year?” The Doctor said breezily.
Jack rolled his eyes. “Didn’t think Time Lords lost track of the date.”
“Well I’ve been busy,” the Doctor said in the same way he’d said it at the end of the Universe. Jack was starting to recognise it as a lame cover for serious thoughts.
“If you haven’t come to wish me a happy new year, why are you here?”
“Just thought I’d pop by,” the Doctor said, avoiding his gaze.
Jack sighed. Prying information out of the Doctor could take all night. “Is it anything to do with the spaceship that nearly crashed into the Earth on Christmas or is it something else?” ‘Something else’ being the unspoken trauma of the Master. Maybe the Doctor had grieved by now, sobbing his eyes out all alone in the Tardis, but Jack couldn’t see that happening. Maybe that was just reluctance on the behalf of his imagination.
“I’d rather not discuss it out in the cold,” the Doctor said.
Jack knew his line. He was supposed to ask if he could go into the Tardis so they could talk. And they would settle into comfortable companionship for the evening. And he would miss celebrating New Year with his friends. “Well, I’ve really got to get a move on,” he said apologetically. “I promised to meet everyone for New Year’s.”
The Doctor’s face fell. “Oh. Of course, it’s important to be with your loved ones on occasions like this.” He stepped back into the Tardis and for a moment Jack thought he wasn’t even going to get a goodbye. Then the Doctor leaned out again. “Happy New Year, Jack.” Followed by a smile too weak and fleeting to be genuine. Then the door closed firmly and the Tardis dematerialised.
Jack spent his New Year at a Cardiff bar with drunk friends telling him to lighten up.
*
The Doctor re-entered his console room in a foul mood, unable to understand Jack’s new habit of rejecting him. Jack had supposedly forgiven him for his negligence, so why was he now determined to put distance between them?
Since the loss of the Master, the Doctor had felt something building within himself. Something dangerous. Or maybe it had been there before, since the Time War, and it had been smothered by Rose’s goodness then revitalised by the Master’s twisted mind games. Either way, it was getting worse. He didn’t trust himself to be alone anymore, but didn’t want to burden another pretty and innocent thing with his darkness.
Which left Jack. Pretty but by no means innocent, the immortal Captain would keep him in his place and could never be destroyed by the Doctor’s secret self. Unfortunately, Jack had taken it upon himself to be responsible and remain with his duty. It wasn’t an insurmountable obstruction, the Doctor just had to present himself as a responsibility and count on Jack’s strong affection and protective instincts to guide him back inside the Tardis.
It would take time, but despite losing almost everything else, the Doctor found he still possessed an abundance of time.
He jumped forward to New Year’s Eve, 2008.
*
An alarm went off in the Hub, surprising and worrying Ianto, who had never heard that particular siren before.
Jack went over to the system and flicked it off before switching to the cameras outside the Hub. Sure enough, there was a blue police box parked outside. A particularly pretty Time Lord opened the door and peeked out. Jack took a deep breath and switched the screen off. Ianto was by his side within seconds.
“What was that alarm? I’ve never heard that one.”
Jack forced a charming grin. “Relax, we’re not being invaded on New Year’s Eve. Which is just as well really, since the jumbled text I got from Gwen earlier suggests they’ve already been at the booze.” Jack pulled Ianto close and nuzzled at the man’s neck. “Were you scared?”
“A little worried,” Ianto admitted, his voice shaking slightly as Jack pushed him back against the table. Jack began to undo the man’s tie, occasionally leaning in and stealing kisses as he worked on the knot. “Must we do this whenever we’re alone in the Hub?”
Once the tie was undone, Jack tugged it free from the shirt collar with his teeth, pulling it from his mouth only when he was sure it had made the desired impact on his lover. Ianto was flushed, eyeing the tie in Jack’s fist. “Don’t you wanna?” Jack asked, teasing.
“Of course I want to,” Ianto breathed. “Just wondering what’s gotten into you.”
“You, hopefully,” Jack leered before going in for another kiss. Once Ianto was suitably breathless, he leaned down and started nipping at the man’s neck.
He looked up and made eye contact with the Doctor across the room.
Then Jack let his hands move across to Ianto’s shirt buttons and continued to undress his boyfriend. Ianto moaned softly as Jack’s fingers brushed lightly over a nipple, and the Captain’s attention was diverted for a moment.
The next time he glanced up, the Doctor was gone.
*
The Doctor knew Jack well enough to know that had been a show for his benefit. Jack was proving he had a life here, a love. What the Doctor had never bestowed upon him, he could get elsewhere much easier. And of course they’d be easier. Humans were so effortlessly manipulated. A charming smile, a nice body, a compliment. Sometimes only one or two of those. Then they were ensnared. And Jack being Jack, he probably had his whole Torchwood team in his bed once a week. Team orgies and what-not.
But this wasn’t about sex, or even love. This was about need. The Doctor needed Jack. He needed somebody who knew him. Jack was the only one, now the Master had gone. There were other companions of course, but none of them were resilient enough for what the Doctor wanted. Needed, he meant needed. Want didn’t enter into this at all. He didn’t even know why he needed someone. Only that he did.
The Tardis agreed and eagerly jumped him forward to New Year’s Eve, 2009.
*
“Jack?”
The Captain’s head snapped up at the familiar voice. He hadn’t expected to hear that voice here. Perhaps that was an oversight. It was New Year after all, and the Doctor seemed determined to start a tradition of New Year’s visits.
The Doctor stood in the doorway to his office, looking fragile and broken. What had happened this time?
Jack put down his paperwork and stood from his chair. “Doctor, are you okay?”
The Time Lord looked lost. Jack saw a brief hesitation in his deep brown eyes, then a decision was made and the Doctor rushed towards him, pressing close and burying his face against Jack’s chest. Jack’s first thought was actually a wish, that he’d kept on his shirt and possibly his coat as well, because the Doctor’s tears and harsh breaths were tingling his skin and doing things to the rest of his body. “Jack, I…” More sobbing.
“Sssh, ssh.” Jack rubbed the Time Lord’s back, trying to be as soothing and supportive as possible while feeling tremendously turned on. He knew it was a basic reaction to the closeness from someone he found amazingly attractive, but god the Doctor was distraught, and Jack was supposedly committed to Ianto!
The Doctor looked up at him, still teary-eyed. It was obvious from the way his gaze slid down to Jack’s lips, what he was thinking.
There was a long pause where Jack fantasised about those perfect lips on his.
Then he pulled away from the Doctor’s embrace. “You want a drink?” he offered, making his way over to the drinks cabinet so he didn’t have to tempt himself by looking at the Doctor’s vulnerable beauty.
“No. I shouldn’t be here. I’m sorry.”
The Doctor turned to leave. He paused at the door, looked back at Jack with tears drying on his cheeks. Jack wanted to run over, pull him into another hug, stop him leaving. But he knew that it wouldn’t work. If he took hold of the Oncoming Storm, he’d just be swept along, back to the Tardis, away from his life. His safe life, where people loved him and he was allowed to love them without feeling like a stalker or a freak.
So he just let the Doctor walk away.
*
When the Tardis was travelling through the no-man’s land of the vortex, the Doctor felt safe letting out the frustrated scream that had been growing since he left the Torchwood base. Why wouldn’t Jack just give in!?! The Doctor had felt Jack’s erection pressed up against his thigh, he knew he was arousing the other man both sexually and emotionally. What more did it take?
And what the hell was wrong with him?
The Doctor sank down to the floor and buried his face in his hands. He asked the Tardis silently why she’d let him do this, why she was encouraging it.
The simple response was that he needed it.
But why? It was insanity, to throw himself at the only person he had left, just because they were the only person he had left. He’d had no-one before. Many years he’d had no-one.
But the Master had taken away the safety in it, hadn’t he? He’d dragged his presence along the Doctor’s mind like a piece of glass and left an open wound that wouldn’t heal on its own.
Just one more try, the Doctor thought as he stood shakily and went to the controls. Just one more try, then he’d let Jack live his oh-so-wonderful life without any more interference.
New Year’s Eve, 2010.
*
Jack struggled against the binds, turning his face away as the grotesque eight-foot alien slobbered acid at him. At least he’d finally found a species he definitely would never kiss.
Then there was a strange noise. It was mildly irritating for him, but the alien screeched and clutched at where he supposed its ears were. After a minute or so, it collapsed to the ground and stopped moving.
The Doctor wandered in through the door and waved the sonic screwdriver at him cheerily. “Pragions hate sonic.”
“Doctor?” Jack asked in disbelief. He’d sort of expected his team to rescue him. It had been a while since he’d counted on the Doctor to save the day.
“Well, it is New Year,” the Time Lord said, walking over and using his sonic to release Jack from his binds. “Tradition now, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, why is that?” Jack asked, trying to rub some feeling back into his hands.
“You’re not complaining, are you?” The Doctor asked with a grin. “You would have been eaten. I know you get up again and everything, but I think passing through a Pragion’s digestive tract is a way nobody wants to die.”
“True,” Jack agreed, throwing an arm around the Time Lord’s shoulders. “How you doing, Doc?” He seemed better than last year.
“Oh, always on the move, you know me.”
“But you keep coming back here,” Jack pointed out, watching the Time Lord carefully. The Doctor’s decision to visit him every year, it was slightly bizarre considering Jack was supposedly Wrong and repulsive.
“What, a fellow can’t check up on his only Universal Constant?” the Doctor said lightly. It may have been a joke, but Jack felt a lot of weight behind it. The Doctor’s only Universal Constant. He’d never thought of it quite like that before.
Before he could put words to his feelings, they heard footsteps and a distinctive female Welsh accent. “Sounds like my team,” Jack said, hoping he could introduce them to the Doctor. What would they say? What would the Doctor say? Would he be pleased to meet them?
“I’d better be heading off then,” the Doctor said, frowning in the direction of the footsteps. “Torchwood enemy number one and all that.”
Jack was about to tell him not to go, but was tugged into a kiss instead. A mind-blowing, body-tingling, breath-taking kiss.
The Doctor beamed at him and ran off down the corridor.
“Jack?”
He turned to face a slightly-miffed Torchwood team. Ianto looked the most peeved.
“Who was that?”
Jack turned in the direction the Doctor had gone, as though he wasn’t sure himself. He put a finger to his lips. This regeneration could kiss!
“Uh…nobody. He was nobody.”
*
The Doctor re-entered the Tardis feeling very good about himself. It was a good ten minutes before he remembered to feel guilty, which clued him in that he was spiralling downwards faster than he’d realised. Of course, he couldn’t be blamed if after all this time Jack insisted on playing hard to get. Confusing humans.
2011, then. New Year’s Eve.
*
“Jack, I think there’s something wrong with me.”
It was an ice-breaker, Jack thought, his eyes narrowing with concern. It was New Year’s Eve, 2011. He was in his office, dealing with the backlog of paperwork.
“How so?” Although really, he had suspected this for some time. A few years now he’d waited for this conversation.
The Doctor shrugged, taking a seat on the other side of Jack’s desk. “I’m not feeling how I used to.”
“How did you used to feel?”
“Somewhat sane.” The Time Lord looked around the Hub, but there was nobody there tonight. “Where are your team?”
“Off celebrating, I guess. I said they could have some time off.”
“Aren’t you invited?”
“No. I’m not.” The Doctor waited for more of an explanation. Eventually Jack put his work down. “Me and Ianto had a falling out. I came off as the bad guy.” He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.” Except it really, really did. It was the proof that Jack couldn’t make this life work. He’d chosen Ianto over the Doctor and now he was reaping the rewards of his mistake. He wondered if the Doctor saw it like that too.
“What was it about?”
“Well, I suppose it started when you kissed me in front of him. I had to dodge a lot of questions. Probably should have just answered them.” Jack saw a slight grin on the Doctor’s face and it pissed him off. “What are you smiling about?” Was his life a joke to the Time Lord?
The Doctor put on his serious face. “Nothing. You probably should have answered them.”
Jack nodded. But what sort of answers could he have given? ‘Oh yes, that’s my alternative life. He keeps dropping in to see if I’m bored of you yet and I let him kiss me because… because…’ Jack sighed. He’d let it happen because he still loved the Doctor so very much. After all this time. After everything.
“I won’t hold it against you if you kiss me again this year,” Jack said hopefully. The Doctor raised an eyebrow suggestively, but then they moved to safer topics of discussion.
The Doctor left that night without one instant of physical contact between them. Jack was tetchy and unreasonable for days.
*
What was he doing, what was he doing, what the hell was he doing?
The Doctor had taken to pacing, fretting, talking to himself. God knows the Tardis wasn’t providing him with the answers so he might as well bounce logic off of himself.
Right. He wanted, no, no, needed Jack. No. He needed someone. The only person who was suitable was Jack. Jack was the only person who could control him, should this get out of hand.
Of course, dangling himself like bait in front of the man then running away probably constituted ‘out of hand’. What was he teasing Jack for?
Because Jack loved the chase. He had to lure Jack in. If he went to Torchwood and gave Jack what he wanted, the Captain would have no reason to follow him back to the Tardis (and across the Universe, past all the stars and moons and planets where it was just the two of them basking in infinity…)
Right then. 2012. He’d get it this time. He’d work it out.
*
“What are you looking at?”
Jack’s heart skipped a beat and he nearly toppled over the edge of the roof. He turned around and smiled down at the Doctor. “I didn’t think you were coming. It’s past midnight.”
The Doctor grinned and hopped up onto the ledge. Jack reached out to steady him, scared the man might fall. The Doctor shifted closer to him, until Jack’s arm was around him, his hand resting on the Doctor’s hip. The Time Lord wasn’t wearing his suit jacket and long coat, just a thin shirt. Jack could feel his ribs through the cotton. “What are you looking at though?” the Doctor asked, his breath tickling Jack’s neck and his voice sounding quiet and low.
“My city,” Jack replied proudly. It was peaceful tonight. Much more peaceful than anyone would expect from New Year’s Eve in a capital city.
The Doctor sighed. “Your city.” There was a long pause before his question. “You love it, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” It was beautiful.
Suddenly the Doctor was wriggling out from under his arm and storming off back across the roof. Perplexed and slightly hurt by the distance, Jack rushed after him. “What did I do now?”
He was shocked when the Doctor turned back with tears in his eyes. “Am I just not worth it anymore Jack? Is that why you left? Is that why you all always leave me?”
Jack held up his hands. “Whoa, where the fuck did this come from? All I said was that I love this city!”
“You used to love me!” A tear spilled down the Doctor’s cheek. “I’d hoped… thought maybe you could fix it.”
Jack walked closer to the distraught Time Lord, confused and concerned. “Fix what?”
The Doctor buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know,” he groaned. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He was shaking. Jack had never known him to feel a chill.
“Doctor,” Jack stepped closer again, not yet near enough to touch the other man. “Just tell me what you want from me and I’ll try my best to give it to you.”
The Doctor looked up with uncertain hope in his eyes. “I want you to love me. To have faith in me again.” He broke again, another tear trailing down his beautiful face. “Everything’s falling apart and the only consistent factor is me! I’m breaking inside, I can feel it, and I’m taking everything else with me! The Master knew it, that’s why he laughed! He could see it, Jack!”
Jack closed the distance between them and tugged the Doctor into a tight hug. He thought back to the visits of the past few years and realised with a startling clarity that the man he was holding in his arms right now in 2012 was probably not a week older than the man he’d spoken to in 2007. “Do you want me to go to the Tardis with you?” He should have asked the first time. He really should have.
The Doctor was trembling against him and when he looked up, his big brown eyes were glazed and distant. “Do you want to, Jack? Do you really want to fly with me? You can stay if you want, with your Torchwood and your Cardiff and your Ianto Jones.”
“Do you need me?” Jack asked in a whisper.
It put him on edge that the Doctor didn’t immediately refute it. The Time Lord looked away, pondering the question. He was starting to lean very heavily on Jack.
“When did you last sleep?” Jack asked, choosing a simpler question.
“Can’t remember.”
“And eat? When was the last time you did that?”
“Party food on the Titanic,” the Doctor said. “Christmas.”
Jack would have laughed at the surrealism of it, except the statement had brought new pain to the Doctor’s eyes. “And how long has it been since then?”
The Doctor shrugged listlessly. “In your time? About five years.” He laughed, but it had no real humour behind it.
“You’ve just been skipping right through, haven’t you? Hoping I’ll get bored.”
“Sorry.”
Jack shrugged off his coat and wrapped it around the Doctor’s shoulders. “Don’t be.” They started to walk down the stairs together. “I was getting bored.”
*
At least the Tardis was happy. The Doctor wandered into the console room to find the machine making a whirring noise (suspiciously like purring) as Jack stroked the controls. He handed Jack a mug of coffee, hoping he’d made it how Jack liked.
Jack took the hot mug into his hands and licked his lips. “Mmm, a guy could get used to you waiting on him.”
“It’s one cup of coffee, Jack,” the Doctor said with a faint smile that faded completely as he added, “it’s the least I could do.”
“The Tardis has cleared things up for me,” Jack said, looking at the central column. It was moving smoother than ever. Travel would be a doddle with the Tardis this happy.
Jack turned to him, still taking tentative sips of the hot drink. “The Tardis seems to think I’m a replacement.”
The Doctor shook his head, prepared to argue before he even heard the full explanation. “I don’t replace people.”
“Sure you do. You do it all the time. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s a defence mechanism. It’s necessary, sometimes. I spent over a hundred years trying to find a substitute for you.”
“Did you manage it?” the Doctor asked quietly, not wanting an answer.
Jack looked him over, appraising. “I think you’ll do. Sometimes you remind me of the man I lost on the Gamestation.”
The Doctor winced. “Well I might be an adequate replacement for myself, but I fail to see who you’re supposed to be in all this.”
Jack grew more serious. “You want someone whose presence scratches at your brain, even when they’re planets away from you. Someone who isn’t afraid to get angry with you. Someone who can look after themselves and you, if the circumstances require it. More importantly, you need someone to hold you back. Hold you down.” Jack sighed. “You need a master.”
The Doctor lashed out instinctively, punching Jack in the jaw. But his further attempts to harm the Captain were blocked as Jack grabbed his arms and pushed him against the console. The Doctor yelled “Let me go!”
“You see now, this…” Jack’s voice was calm, unfazed, “is exactly what I’m talking about.”
The Doctor stopped struggling, forcing himself to relax in Jack’s strong grip. He gazed up at the Captain, powerful and commanding. He shivered involuntarily. It wasn’t fear that made him feel this way. When Jack spoke, it was low and gentle.
“The Tardis thinks you were conditioned. I’m inclined to agree.”
“Conditioned,” the Doctor repeated dumbly, immediately thinking of course, of course…
Jack’s thumbs were rubbing soft circles on the Doctor’s wrists, but his grip was still strong. “He rewarded you for submitting, didn’t he?”
It all made sense. Over the course of a year even toughened, self-possessed creatures could fall victim to basic conditioning methods. But the Master was a genius, a psychic, a close friend of the Doctor’s, and the naïve Time Lord had been so desperate for contact with another of his kind. He had submitted to the Master frequently, often without complaint. And the Master had been generous in his dominance. “But why didn’t the Tardis tell me this and save you a lot of hassle?”
“She says she’s tried. You haven’t been hearing her.” Jack’s blue eyes showed even more concern now than they had before on the rooftop and with good reason. The Doctor must have been far gone to ignore the Tardis.
“I’m sure she said I needed you. I’m sure.”
“You said you needed. You wouldn’t hear anything that contradicted it, because you got so caught up in this need for what you had in the year that never was. All she could do was guide you somewhere safe.”
The Doctor smiled. “To you.” The Tardis might think Jack wrong, but as the Doctor had grown used to it, she had adapted too. Seen past the wrongness to the friend beneath.
“Well I’d never hurt you,” Jack said simply. The honesty of it took the Doctor’s breath away. He almost cried.
“But I’ve ruined your life,” he choked, recalling his selfish attempts to drag Jack away from his new home.
Jack just shook his head, smiling a little. “Nah. If anything happened to you, now that would ruin my life. I love you, you know that?”
The Doctor nodded. Of course he’d known. He wouldn’t have done any of this if he thought Jack didn’t care for him more than he cared for himself. It wouldn’t have been possible. But he didn’t love Jack. Should he mention that? Did he dare? “I’ll give you anything you want,” he murmured, twisting one hand free of Jack’s grasp and loosening his tie, dropping it to the floor between them and watching Jack’s eyes dart to his throat. “Anything, Jack. Any fantasies you’ve had about me, I’ll fulfil them. That’s a promise. Just tell me what you want.”
Jack’s eyes scrunched shut as if he was willing himself somewhere else, so the Doctor leaned in and kissed him ever so chastely on the neck.
Jack tugged him close, crushing their bodies together as he ravished the Doctor’s mouth with his tongue -His bones creaked under the Master’s iron grip and he was forced to surrender to the pleasurable sensation as his body was used in amazingly erotic ways- Jack shoved him up against the console and started frantically undoing the Doctor’s shirt, pushing away the coat he had draped so protectively over the Time Lord before. He was halfway down the Doctor’s chest when he glanced up and their eyes met. Jack froze.
Before the Doctor could say a word, the immortal Captain had backed off a few metres, taking deep, calming breaths. It didn’t look like they were working though. “Doc…”
“What do you want, Jack? However you want me, I’m yours.”
Jack stared at the Doctor’s face for a long time, then stared away for even longer. Then he smiled.
“I want you to dominate me.”
*
Much later, the Doctor lay in Jack’s arms, body exhausted but mind still running, analysing every word Jack said, every intonation, every gentle touch as Jack soothed him the way he knew best.
“…funny, really, when you think about it. All that power, all that genius you both shared but it was still easier for him to fuck you senseless. Literally.”
“Hilarious,” the Doctor muttered, feeling up to that much sarcasm.
“You’re not that different from us stupid apes, are you?” Jack teased, nuzzling his ear gently. “Sex can still knock you off balance.”
The Doctor could have explained about the psychic assaults linked with the sex, about the way the Master had battered his mind every time their bodies came into contact, but it was hardly important now. It would only make Jack feel inferior, with his limited senses and his human brain.
“So…” Jack’s voice was unsure for the first time in hours. “You feeling better?”
“Do you fix everything with sex?” The Doctor asked, genuinely curious about Torchwood policy.
“No, that’s why I’m asking. Do you…” Jack faltered again, but repeated himself with more confidence. “Do you want me to stick around?”
“Yes.”
There was a moment of silence, then Jack laughed. “Well that was…concise.”
“I’m tired.” The Doctor turned to his side and snuggled against Jack’s warm body. Too hot, too human. He could live with it though.
“So sleep,” Jack’s breath ruffled his hair. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Maybe if Jack was there every time he woke up for the next few years, the Doctor would actually be able to accept him for more than just a substitute. With that in mind, the Time Lord closed his eyes and forced himself to relax to the half-rhythm of the single heartbeat.
Author:
sarkywomanChallenge: New Year
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Set after 'Voyage of the Damned' in Doctor Who and series 1 of Torchwood.
Summary: The Doctor's loneliness is overwhelming him. But five years on, Jack is beginning to suspect something more serious is affecting his beloved Time Lord. Can he let it drag him away from his new life in Cardiff?
Notes: This was really tough to write and I think it's a bit weird. I don't know. I'll be happy to discuss any confusion in reviews, as usual.
New Traditions
Jack hadn’t expected to see the Doctor again for a very long time. He’d been dropped off in Cardiff in the autumn, left to run back to the responsibilities he’d deemed so important. A few months passed, the world was nearly lost then sort of saved over and over again.
Then, on New Year’s Eve, the Tardis materialised on the steps outside the Hub. The timing was perfect (depending on your point of view), as Jack was just passing on his way to meet with his team at the bar.
The Doctor leaned out and took a look around, smiling when he saw Jack. “Hello Captain.”
“Hello Doctor,” Jack smiled back, ignoring that funny feeling in his stomach that always threatened to take away his common sense. “Come to wish me a happy new year?”
“Oh, is it New Year?” The Doctor said breezily.
Jack rolled his eyes. “Didn’t think Time Lords lost track of the date.”
“Well I’ve been busy,” the Doctor said in the same way he’d said it at the end of the Universe. Jack was starting to recognise it as a lame cover for serious thoughts.
“If you haven’t come to wish me a happy new year, why are you here?”
“Just thought I’d pop by,” the Doctor said, avoiding his gaze.
Jack sighed. Prying information out of the Doctor could take all night. “Is it anything to do with the spaceship that nearly crashed into the Earth on Christmas or is it something else?” ‘Something else’ being the unspoken trauma of the Master. Maybe the Doctor had grieved by now, sobbing his eyes out all alone in the Tardis, but Jack couldn’t see that happening. Maybe that was just reluctance on the behalf of his imagination.
“I’d rather not discuss it out in the cold,” the Doctor said.
Jack knew his line. He was supposed to ask if he could go into the Tardis so they could talk. And they would settle into comfortable companionship for the evening. And he would miss celebrating New Year with his friends. “Well, I’ve really got to get a move on,” he said apologetically. “I promised to meet everyone for New Year’s.”
The Doctor’s face fell. “Oh. Of course, it’s important to be with your loved ones on occasions like this.” He stepped back into the Tardis and for a moment Jack thought he wasn’t even going to get a goodbye. Then the Doctor leaned out again. “Happy New Year, Jack.” Followed by a smile too weak and fleeting to be genuine. Then the door closed firmly and the Tardis dematerialised.
Jack spent his New Year at a Cardiff bar with drunk friends telling him to lighten up.
*
The Doctor re-entered his console room in a foul mood, unable to understand Jack’s new habit of rejecting him. Jack had supposedly forgiven him for his negligence, so why was he now determined to put distance between them?
Since the loss of the Master, the Doctor had felt something building within himself. Something dangerous. Or maybe it had been there before, since the Time War, and it had been smothered by Rose’s goodness then revitalised by the Master’s twisted mind games. Either way, it was getting worse. He didn’t trust himself to be alone anymore, but didn’t want to burden another pretty and innocent thing with his darkness.
Which left Jack. Pretty but by no means innocent, the immortal Captain would keep him in his place and could never be destroyed by the Doctor’s secret self. Unfortunately, Jack had taken it upon himself to be responsible and remain with his duty. It wasn’t an insurmountable obstruction, the Doctor just had to present himself as a responsibility and count on Jack’s strong affection and protective instincts to guide him back inside the Tardis.
It would take time, but despite losing almost everything else, the Doctor found he still possessed an abundance of time.
He jumped forward to New Year’s Eve, 2008.
*
An alarm went off in the Hub, surprising and worrying Ianto, who had never heard that particular siren before.
Jack went over to the system and flicked it off before switching to the cameras outside the Hub. Sure enough, there was a blue police box parked outside. A particularly pretty Time Lord opened the door and peeked out. Jack took a deep breath and switched the screen off. Ianto was by his side within seconds.
“What was that alarm? I’ve never heard that one.”
Jack forced a charming grin. “Relax, we’re not being invaded on New Year’s Eve. Which is just as well really, since the jumbled text I got from Gwen earlier suggests they’ve already been at the booze.” Jack pulled Ianto close and nuzzled at the man’s neck. “Were you scared?”
“A little worried,” Ianto admitted, his voice shaking slightly as Jack pushed him back against the table. Jack began to undo the man’s tie, occasionally leaning in and stealing kisses as he worked on the knot. “Must we do this whenever we’re alone in the Hub?”
Once the tie was undone, Jack tugged it free from the shirt collar with his teeth, pulling it from his mouth only when he was sure it had made the desired impact on his lover. Ianto was flushed, eyeing the tie in Jack’s fist. “Don’t you wanna?” Jack asked, teasing.
“Of course I want to,” Ianto breathed. “Just wondering what’s gotten into you.”
“You, hopefully,” Jack leered before going in for another kiss. Once Ianto was suitably breathless, he leaned down and started nipping at the man’s neck.
He looked up and made eye contact with the Doctor across the room.
Then Jack let his hands move across to Ianto’s shirt buttons and continued to undress his boyfriend. Ianto moaned softly as Jack’s fingers brushed lightly over a nipple, and the Captain’s attention was diverted for a moment.
The next time he glanced up, the Doctor was gone.
*
The Doctor knew Jack well enough to know that had been a show for his benefit. Jack was proving he had a life here, a love. What the Doctor had never bestowed upon him, he could get elsewhere much easier. And of course they’d be easier. Humans were so effortlessly manipulated. A charming smile, a nice body, a compliment. Sometimes only one or two of those. Then they were ensnared. And Jack being Jack, he probably had his whole Torchwood team in his bed once a week. Team orgies and what-not.
But this wasn’t about sex, or even love. This was about need. The Doctor needed Jack. He needed somebody who knew him. Jack was the only one, now the Master had gone. There were other companions of course, but none of them were resilient enough for what the Doctor wanted. Needed, he meant needed. Want didn’t enter into this at all. He didn’t even know why he needed someone. Only that he did.
The Tardis agreed and eagerly jumped him forward to New Year’s Eve, 2009.
*
“Jack?”
The Captain’s head snapped up at the familiar voice. He hadn’t expected to hear that voice here. Perhaps that was an oversight. It was New Year after all, and the Doctor seemed determined to start a tradition of New Year’s visits.
The Doctor stood in the doorway to his office, looking fragile and broken. What had happened this time?
Jack put down his paperwork and stood from his chair. “Doctor, are you okay?”
The Time Lord looked lost. Jack saw a brief hesitation in his deep brown eyes, then a decision was made and the Doctor rushed towards him, pressing close and burying his face against Jack’s chest. Jack’s first thought was actually a wish, that he’d kept on his shirt and possibly his coat as well, because the Doctor’s tears and harsh breaths were tingling his skin and doing things to the rest of his body. “Jack, I…” More sobbing.
“Sssh, ssh.” Jack rubbed the Time Lord’s back, trying to be as soothing and supportive as possible while feeling tremendously turned on. He knew it was a basic reaction to the closeness from someone he found amazingly attractive, but god the Doctor was distraught, and Jack was supposedly committed to Ianto!
The Doctor looked up at him, still teary-eyed. It was obvious from the way his gaze slid down to Jack’s lips, what he was thinking.
There was a long pause where Jack fantasised about those perfect lips on his.
Then he pulled away from the Doctor’s embrace. “You want a drink?” he offered, making his way over to the drinks cabinet so he didn’t have to tempt himself by looking at the Doctor’s vulnerable beauty.
“No. I shouldn’t be here. I’m sorry.”
The Doctor turned to leave. He paused at the door, looked back at Jack with tears drying on his cheeks. Jack wanted to run over, pull him into another hug, stop him leaving. But he knew that it wouldn’t work. If he took hold of the Oncoming Storm, he’d just be swept along, back to the Tardis, away from his life. His safe life, where people loved him and he was allowed to love them without feeling like a stalker or a freak.
So he just let the Doctor walk away.
*
When the Tardis was travelling through the no-man’s land of the vortex, the Doctor felt safe letting out the frustrated scream that had been growing since he left the Torchwood base. Why wouldn’t Jack just give in!?! The Doctor had felt Jack’s erection pressed up against his thigh, he knew he was arousing the other man both sexually and emotionally. What more did it take?
And what the hell was wrong with him?
The Doctor sank down to the floor and buried his face in his hands. He asked the Tardis silently why she’d let him do this, why she was encouraging it.
The simple response was that he needed it.
But why? It was insanity, to throw himself at the only person he had left, just because they were the only person he had left. He’d had no-one before. Many years he’d had no-one.
But the Master had taken away the safety in it, hadn’t he? He’d dragged his presence along the Doctor’s mind like a piece of glass and left an open wound that wouldn’t heal on its own.
Just one more try, the Doctor thought as he stood shakily and went to the controls. Just one more try, then he’d let Jack live his oh-so-wonderful life without any more interference.
New Year’s Eve, 2010.
*
Jack struggled against the binds, turning his face away as the grotesque eight-foot alien slobbered acid at him. At least he’d finally found a species he definitely would never kiss.
Then there was a strange noise. It was mildly irritating for him, but the alien screeched and clutched at where he supposed its ears were. After a minute or so, it collapsed to the ground and stopped moving.
The Doctor wandered in through the door and waved the sonic screwdriver at him cheerily. “Pragions hate sonic.”
“Doctor?” Jack asked in disbelief. He’d sort of expected his team to rescue him. It had been a while since he’d counted on the Doctor to save the day.
“Well, it is New Year,” the Time Lord said, walking over and using his sonic to release Jack from his binds. “Tradition now, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, why is that?” Jack asked, trying to rub some feeling back into his hands.
“You’re not complaining, are you?” The Doctor asked with a grin. “You would have been eaten. I know you get up again and everything, but I think passing through a Pragion’s digestive tract is a way nobody wants to die.”
“True,” Jack agreed, throwing an arm around the Time Lord’s shoulders. “How you doing, Doc?” He seemed better than last year.
“Oh, always on the move, you know me.”
“But you keep coming back here,” Jack pointed out, watching the Time Lord carefully. The Doctor’s decision to visit him every year, it was slightly bizarre considering Jack was supposedly Wrong and repulsive.
“What, a fellow can’t check up on his only Universal Constant?” the Doctor said lightly. It may have been a joke, but Jack felt a lot of weight behind it. The Doctor’s only Universal Constant. He’d never thought of it quite like that before.
Before he could put words to his feelings, they heard footsteps and a distinctive female Welsh accent. “Sounds like my team,” Jack said, hoping he could introduce them to the Doctor. What would they say? What would the Doctor say? Would he be pleased to meet them?
“I’d better be heading off then,” the Doctor said, frowning in the direction of the footsteps. “Torchwood enemy number one and all that.”
Jack was about to tell him not to go, but was tugged into a kiss instead. A mind-blowing, body-tingling, breath-taking kiss.
The Doctor beamed at him and ran off down the corridor.
“Jack?”
He turned to face a slightly-miffed Torchwood team. Ianto looked the most peeved.
“Who was that?”
Jack turned in the direction the Doctor had gone, as though he wasn’t sure himself. He put a finger to his lips. This regeneration could kiss!
“Uh…nobody. He was nobody.”
*
The Doctor re-entered the Tardis feeling very good about himself. It was a good ten minutes before he remembered to feel guilty, which clued him in that he was spiralling downwards faster than he’d realised. Of course, he couldn’t be blamed if after all this time Jack insisted on playing hard to get. Confusing humans.
2011, then. New Year’s Eve.
*
“Jack, I think there’s something wrong with me.”
It was an ice-breaker, Jack thought, his eyes narrowing with concern. It was New Year’s Eve, 2011. He was in his office, dealing with the backlog of paperwork.
“How so?” Although really, he had suspected this for some time. A few years now he’d waited for this conversation.
The Doctor shrugged, taking a seat on the other side of Jack’s desk. “I’m not feeling how I used to.”
“How did you used to feel?”
“Somewhat sane.” The Time Lord looked around the Hub, but there was nobody there tonight. “Where are your team?”
“Off celebrating, I guess. I said they could have some time off.”
“Aren’t you invited?”
“No. I’m not.” The Doctor waited for more of an explanation. Eventually Jack put his work down. “Me and Ianto had a falling out. I came off as the bad guy.” He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.” Except it really, really did. It was the proof that Jack couldn’t make this life work. He’d chosen Ianto over the Doctor and now he was reaping the rewards of his mistake. He wondered if the Doctor saw it like that too.
“What was it about?”
“Well, I suppose it started when you kissed me in front of him. I had to dodge a lot of questions. Probably should have just answered them.” Jack saw a slight grin on the Doctor’s face and it pissed him off. “What are you smiling about?” Was his life a joke to the Time Lord?
The Doctor put on his serious face. “Nothing. You probably should have answered them.”
Jack nodded. But what sort of answers could he have given? ‘Oh yes, that’s my alternative life. He keeps dropping in to see if I’m bored of you yet and I let him kiss me because… because…’ Jack sighed. He’d let it happen because he still loved the Doctor so very much. After all this time. After everything.
“I won’t hold it against you if you kiss me again this year,” Jack said hopefully. The Doctor raised an eyebrow suggestively, but then they moved to safer topics of discussion.
The Doctor left that night without one instant of physical contact between them. Jack was tetchy and unreasonable for days.
*
What was he doing, what was he doing, what the hell was he doing?
The Doctor had taken to pacing, fretting, talking to himself. God knows the Tardis wasn’t providing him with the answers so he might as well bounce logic off of himself.
Right. He wanted, no, no, needed Jack. No. He needed someone. The only person who was suitable was Jack. Jack was the only person who could control him, should this get out of hand.
Of course, dangling himself like bait in front of the man then running away probably constituted ‘out of hand’. What was he teasing Jack for?
Because Jack loved the chase. He had to lure Jack in. If he went to Torchwood and gave Jack what he wanted, the Captain would have no reason to follow him back to the Tardis (and across the Universe, past all the stars and moons and planets where it was just the two of them basking in infinity…)
Right then. 2012. He’d get it this time. He’d work it out.
*
“What are you looking at?”
Jack’s heart skipped a beat and he nearly toppled over the edge of the roof. He turned around and smiled down at the Doctor. “I didn’t think you were coming. It’s past midnight.”
The Doctor grinned and hopped up onto the ledge. Jack reached out to steady him, scared the man might fall. The Doctor shifted closer to him, until Jack’s arm was around him, his hand resting on the Doctor’s hip. The Time Lord wasn’t wearing his suit jacket and long coat, just a thin shirt. Jack could feel his ribs through the cotton. “What are you looking at though?” the Doctor asked, his breath tickling Jack’s neck and his voice sounding quiet and low.
“My city,” Jack replied proudly. It was peaceful tonight. Much more peaceful than anyone would expect from New Year’s Eve in a capital city.
The Doctor sighed. “Your city.” There was a long pause before his question. “You love it, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” It was beautiful.
Suddenly the Doctor was wriggling out from under his arm and storming off back across the roof. Perplexed and slightly hurt by the distance, Jack rushed after him. “What did I do now?”
He was shocked when the Doctor turned back with tears in his eyes. “Am I just not worth it anymore Jack? Is that why you left? Is that why you all always leave me?”
Jack held up his hands. “Whoa, where the fuck did this come from? All I said was that I love this city!”
“You used to love me!” A tear spilled down the Doctor’s cheek. “I’d hoped… thought maybe you could fix it.”
Jack walked closer to the distraught Time Lord, confused and concerned. “Fix what?”
The Doctor buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know,” he groaned. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He was shaking. Jack had never known him to feel a chill.
“Doctor,” Jack stepped closer again, not yet near enough to touch the other man. “Just tell me what you want from me and I’ll try my best to give it to you.”
The Doctor looked up with uncertain hope in his eyes. “I want you to love me. To have faith in me again.” He broke again, another tear trailing down his beautiful face. “Everything’s falling apart and the only consistent factor is me! I’m breaking inside, I can feel it, and I’m taking everything else with me! The Master knew it, that’s why he laughed! He could see it, Jack!”
Jack closed the distance between them and tugged the Doctor into a tight hug. He thought back to the visits of the past few years and realised with a startling clarity that the man he was holding in his arms right now in 2012 was probably not a week older than the man he’d spoken to in 2007. “Do you want me to go to the Tardis with you?” He should have asked the first time. He really should have.
The Doctor was trembling against him and when he looked up, his big brown eyes were glazed and distant. “Do you want to, Jack? Do you really want to fly with me? You can stay if you want, with your Torchwood and your Cardiff and your Ianto Jones.”
“Do you need me?” Jack asked in a whisper.
It put him on edge that the Doctor didn’t immediately refute it. The Time Lord looked away, pondering the question. He was starting to lean very heavily on Jack.
“When did you last sleep?” Jack asked, choosing a simpler question.
“Can’t remember.”
“And eat? When was the last time you did that?”
“Party food on the Titanic,” the Doctor said. “Christmas.”
Jack would have laughed at the surrealism of it, except the statement had brought new pain to the Doctor’s eyes. “And how long has it been since then?”
The Doctor shrugged listlessly. “In your time? About five years.” He laughed, but it had no real humour behind it.
“You’ve just been skipping right through, haven’t you? Hoping I’ll get bored.”
“Sorry.”
Jack shrugged off his coat and wrapped it around the Doctor’s shoulders. “Don’t be.” They started to walk down the stairs together. “I was getting bored.”
*
At least the Tardis was happy. The Doctor wandered into the console room to find the machine making a whirring noise (suspiciously like purring) as Jack stroked the controls. He handed Jack a mug of coffee, hoping he’d made it how Jack liked.
Jack took the hot mug into his hands and licked his lips. “Mmm, a guy could get used to you waiting on him.”
“It’s one cup of coffee, Jack,” the Doctor said with a faint smile that faded completely as he added, “it’s the least I could do.”
“The Tardis has cleared things up for me,” Jack said, looking at the central column. It was moving smoother than ever. Travel would be a doddle with the Tardis this happy.
Jack turned to him, still taking tentative sips of the hot drink. “The Tardis seems to think I’m a replacement.”
The Doctor shook his head, prepared to argue before he even heard the full explanation. “I don’t replace people.”
“Sure you do. You do it all the time. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s a defence mechanism. It’s necessary, sometimes. I spent over a hundred years trying to find a substitute for you.”
“Did you manage it?” the Doctor asked quietly, not wanting an answer.
Jack looked him over, appraising. “I think you’ll do. Sometimes you remind me of the man I lost on the Gamestation.”
The Doctor winced. “Well I might be an adequate replacement for myself, but I fail to see who you’re supposed to be in all this.”
Jack grew more serious. “You want someone whose presence scratches at your brain, even when they’re planets away from you. Someone who isn’t afraid to get angry with you. Someone who can look after themselves and you, if the circumstances require it. More importantly, you need someone to hold you back. Hold you down.” Jack sighed. “You need a master.”
The Doctor lashed out instinctively, punching Jack in the jaw. But his further attempts to harm the Captain were blocked as Jack grabbed his arms and pushed him against the console. The Doctor yelled “Let me go!”
“You see now, this…” Jack’s voice was calm, unfazed, “is exactly what I’m talking about.”
The Doctor stopped struggling, forcing himself to relax in Jack’s strong grip. He gazed up at the Captain, powerful and commanding. He shivered involuntarily. It wasn’t fear that made him feel this way. When Jack spoke, it was low and gentle.
“The Tardis thinks you were conditioned. I’m inclined to agree.”
“Conditioned,” the Doctor repeated dumbly, immediately thinking of course, of course…
Jack’s thumbs were rubbing soft circles on the Doctor’s wrists, but his grip was still strong. “He rewarded you for submitting, didn’t he?”
It all made sense. Over the course of a year even toughened, self-possessed creatures could fall victim to basic conditioning methods. But the Master was a genius, a psychic, a close friend of the Doctor’s, and the naïve Time Lord had been so desperate for contact with another of his kind. He had submitted to the Master frequently, often without complaint. And the Master had been generous in his dominance. “But why didn’t the Tardis tell me this and save you a lot of hassle?”
“She says she’s tried. You haven’t been hearing her.” Jack’s blue eyes showed even more concern now than they had before on the rooftop and with good reason. The Doctor must have been far gone to ignore the Tardis.
“I’m sure she said I needed you. I’m sure.”
“You said you needed. You wouldn’t hear anything that contradicted it, because you got so caught up in this need for what you had in the year that never was. All she could do was guide you somewhere safe.”
The Doctor smiled. “To you.” The Tardis might think Jack wrong, but as the Doctor had grown used to it, she had adapted too. Seen past the wrongness to the friend beneath.
“Well I’d never hurt you,” Jack said simply. The honesty of it took the Doctor’s breath away. He almost cried.
“But I’ve ruined your life,” he choked, recalling his selfish attempts to drag Jack away from his new home.
Jack just shook his head, smiling a little. “Nah. If anything happened to you, now that would ruin my life. I love you, you know that?”
The Doctor nodded. Of course he’d known. He wouldn’t have done any of this if he thought Jack didn’t care for him more than he cared for himself. It wouldn’t have been possible. But he didn’t love Jack. Should he mention that? Did he dare? “I’ll give you anything you want,” he murmured, twisting one hand free of Jack’s grasp and loosening his tie, dropping it to the floor between them and watching Jack’s eyes dart to his throat. “Anything, Jack. Any fantasies you’ve had about me, I’ll fulfil them. That’s a promise. Just tell me what you want.”
Jack’s eyes scrunched shut as if he was willing himself somewhere else, so the Doctor leaned in and kissed him ever so chastely on the neck.
Jack tugged him close, crushing their bodies together as he ravished the Doctor’s mouth with his tongue -His bones creaked under the Master’s iron grip and he was forced to surrender to the pleasurable sensation as his body was used in amazingly erotic ways- Jack shoved him up against the console and started frantically undoing the Doctor’s shirt, pushing away the coat he had draped so protectively over the Time Lord before. He was halfway down the Doctor’s chest when he glanced up and their eyes met. Jack froze.
Before the Doctor could say a word, the immortal Captain had backed off a few metres, taking deep, calming breaths. It didn’t look like they were working though. “Doc…”
“What do you want, Jack? However you want me, I’m yours.”
Jack stared at the Doctor’s face for a long time, then stared away for even longer. Then he smiled.
“I want you to dominate me.”
*
Much later, the Doctor lay in Jack’s arms, body exhausted but mind still running, analysing every word Jack said, every intonation, every gentle touch as Jack soothed him the way he knew best.
“…funny, really, when you think about it. All that power, all that genius you both shared but it was still easier for him to fuck you senseless. Literally.”
“Hilarious,” the Doctor muttered, feeling up to that much sarcasm.
“You’re not that different from us stupid apes, are you?” Jack teased, nuzzling his ear gently. “Sex can still knock you off balance.”
The Doctor could have explained about the psychic assaults linked with the sex, about the way the Master had battered his mind every time their bodies came into contact, but it was hardly important now. It would only make Jack feel inferior, with his limited senses and his human brain.
“So…” Jack’s voice was unsure for the first time in hours. “You feeling better?”
“Do you fix everything with sex?” The Doctor asked, genuinely curious about Torchwood policy.
“No, that’s why I’m asking. Do you…” Jack faltered again, but repeated himself with more confidence. “Do you want me to stick around?”
“Yes.”
There was a moment of silence, then Jack laughed. “Well that was…concise.”
“I’m tired.” The Doctor turned to his side and snuggled against Jack’s warm body. Too hot, too human. He could live with it though.
“So sleep,” Jack’s breath ruffled his hair. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Maybe if Jack was there every time he woke up for the next few years, the Doctor would actually be able to accept him for more than just a substitute. With that in mind, the Time Lord closed his eyes and forced himself to relax to the half-rhythm of the single heartbeat.