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wintercompanion2013-07-06 10:02 pm
trobadora) wrote in wintercompanion2013-07-06 10:02 pm
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javana12: 42 Arguments (Jack/Eleven) [PG-13] (SUMMER HOLIDAYS PROMPT 4)
Title: 42 Arguments
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
javana12
Pairing: Jack/Eleven
Rating: PG really, PG-13 to be safe
Spoilers/warnings: Cross-over with Hitch-hikers Guide. No real spoilers, as long as you've seen enough of the 7th series to know who Clara is. :) Kind of AU in that at some point in the future Jack and Eleven are travelling together. Some familiarity with the Hitch-hikers guide to the Galaxy would also be useful.
Disclaimer: Wish I owned it but sadly I don't.
Notes: '...' = thoughts, "..." = speech.
Author note: I haven't written anything in a really long time so I hope this is ok. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Especially since the only things I've written recently was for a script-writing course and I definitely found it really difficult to get my head out of the speech patterns you need for that type of work onto the more literary descriptive language needed for this type of writing. So any suggestions/comments/opinions welcome.
Prompt 4: 15, Crystal, Scribe of the Complex, The Eternal Argument
"Well if we'd just stopped back at that Xolicion Fly booth and asked we wouldn't be lost would we?"
"We're not lost Jack. Have a little faith there, we've just managed to become temporarily displaced in our spacial coordinates"
"Doctor we're lost. Admit it."
"We're not! See. Look, that crystal formation looks just like a pineapple. The old woman said to go right at the giant pineapple."
"Doctor. They all look like giant pineapples. This is the third one you've said to turn right at. Or its' the same one we're just walking round in circles. Again." They'd been having the same argument for several minutes now and Jack, it must have been said, was getting rather tired of it all. "Why don't I just ring up the traveller information centre and have them send out someone to find us?"
"No no Jack! Finding the Scribe of Magrathea won't mean anything if we get help. Just think of it as an adventure."
"... What is it with timelords and asking for directions?" sighed Jack to himself as he followed the running timelord further into the crystal cannons. As far as special surprises went, this one had been rather disappointing so far. They'd arrived on Magrathea 6 hours ago, and having left the Tardis at the visitors centre had set out on foot to see this mythical fortune-teller. Of course 6 hours ago they still had all their provisions; it had been a pleasant sunny day and the thought of spending a couple of uninterrupted hours with just the Doctor while Clara and her new husband Rex were off honeymooning sounded like heaven. So far the sun had completely disappeared behind some rather ominous looking clouds, all of their provisions had been nicked by some enterprising possum like creatures and they'd gotten lost. In fact the only thing Jack still found enjoyable about the whole trip was that he and the Doctor were finally getting some one on one time together. Not that he didn't love having Clara and Rex travelling with them—well just Clara really according to the Doc, but these days where Clara went Rex was soon to follow; but it was nice occasionally to just be by themselves. Jack had even enjoyed trying to get their food back from those psychotic possum creatures all things considered but he really would kind of like to go back to the Tardis now.
It was just as Jack was contemplating exactly what he and the Doctor could be getting up to in the Tardis by themselves when the timelord started waving is sonic screwdriver round in excitement.
"Jack! Over here! There's a break in the isomorphic crystalline lattice here. If I had to guess I'd say there was a built in structure behind this wall, and given the right settings I should be able to..." Seeing the cracks starting to form up the side of the cannon Jack couldn't help but have reservations. After all their luck being what it was...
"Doctor maybe we..."
... some type of natural disaster was almost guaranteed. A prophecy which it seemed was about to be proven correct as they felt the floor start to move. Stumbling into the Doctor, Jack grabbed a hold of his jacket while frantically trying to block the falling bits of rock and crystal.
"Nearly there Jack. Hold on. I've... just ... about... got it!"
The shaking was getting worse. The rocks falling down were at size of large dogs by now.
"Doctor... whatever you're planning to do. I'd hurry up if I was you!" Jack screamed as he scrambled out of the way of a chunk of rock that was at least the size of a small car.
"Nearly there..."
"Doctor!"
"We're through! Jack give me your hand!"
Yanking Jack forward the Doctor pulled them into the newly formed tunnel just as the entrance was filled in with falling rubble.
Boom.
"..."
"... Ja"
".... Jack"
"... Jack!"
Finally the ringing in his ears quietened enough Jack could hear the Doctor shouting. Coughing he tried desperately to answer.
"I'm ok doc. Just a bit a loud there".
"Oh good. That's good".
Looking round now that the sparkling dust was settling Jack could see the Doctor sagging
against the wall in relief.
Perking up now that the danger was over the doctor had started to look around where they'd ended up. It seemed to be some sort of man-made, or to be honest creature made, tunnel that was running through the sections making up the canyon walls. "Wonder how they carved this one. Must have been at least 64th Century laser technology to get the walls this smooth. Ooo I wonder where it leads... "
And there went the Doctor.
Chuckling silently to himself Jack heaved himself up to follow. Dusting himself off as he walked after the glowing tip of the Doctor's sonic, he couldn't help but feel guiltily grateful that Gwen and Clara weren't here -the vampire references alone would have just been unbearable.
"You know the Magratheans used to worship these pan-dimensional beings. Used to build them giant computers—as big as planets! Can you imagine?! Well technically, actually they weren't really pan dimensional beings, more like an overdeveloped form of inter-spacial consciousness. And they weren't even that scary actually. Used to have to get around using the forms of white mice—loved to have all you silly little apes worshipping them as gods. Course then someone discovered cats...."
"Mice? Really?"
"Hmm. Yes. Weird habit that. But anyway, legend has it they built a giant computer on this planet. So powerful it could answer any question you could think of."
"What? You mean like why you seem to be incapable of putting the milk away after you've used it?"
"Yes like... Oi! Don't see what that's got to do with anything. "
"It has to do with the fact that when I went to get my breakfast this morning. You know that thing us humans get at the beginning of the day? And I'd just sat down with a coffee and bowl of cereal, only to discover, to my joy, the milk had gone off. Again. Because someone keeps leaving it out on the kitchen bench overnight."
"... well don't look at me! You know the Tardis is perfectly capable of keeping the kitchen in stasis."
"Yes doctor. She does. Except when you decide to recalibrate the temperature stabilising array. Like you did last night. Again."
"...ah."
"... really? That's all you're going to say?"
The contrite look which settled onto the Doctor's face was an answer in itself, "Well to be fair it has been playing up recently".
This was quite obviously very much the wrong thing to say considering the angry silence now radiating from Jack's direction.
Spinning round to face him the Doctor grabbed one of Jack's hands. "Jack you know..."
"Shh..." Jack sighed as he interrupted, silencing the Doctor with one of his fingers across the Doctor's lips. "It's ok doc. I get it."
"But Ja..."
"Shh doctor, it's ok. I know." Smiling wryly in exasperated amusement at his partner in crime, Jack looked back as he walked forward towards the tunnel entrance. "Anyway come on. This giant scribe computer isn't going to find itsel..."
"Jack!" Running forward the Doctor only just managed to catch himself before he joined his friend in taking a tumble down the ancient stone stairway outside the tunnel entrance. The ferns and plants had hidden the stairs from view earlier and Jack as always had been too busy talking to pay attention to where he was going. Looking round frantically the doctor finally managed to locate Jacks body. It had landed in a heap in front of what looked like a giant TV screen at the bottom of all the stairs. Broken neck by the looks of things. That would probably take a while to come back from, but he'd better get down there quick as possible anyway. And to think he'd just wanted one nice and easy-going day to celebrate Jack still being here with him. Just one.
Silently the Doctor started to rearrange his friend into a more comfortable position. Looked like he'd managed to break most of his other bones as well as his neck. He hoped they healed first. The Doctor hated it when Jack woke up before he finished fully healing. Of course it was nice having him back in the land of the living as soon as possible—the universe had actually started to feel wrong now when jack wasn't around and up to his normal tricks. And what a turn up that was! But he felt wretched knowing his friend was suffering in pain when he couldn't do anything.
"Come on old boy. No time for lazing around. Up you get".
"Was that your friend? I'm sorry to inform you but all scans indicate no vital signs are detected."
"Who said that?!" Frantically looking around the Doctor tried to spot where the voice had come from. But apart from the giant TV screen and plant life there didn't seem to be anything else around.
"I did."
Incredible. Looked like the noise was coming from the screen itself, which according to his sonic's readings was some kind of giant, half organic AI.
"Amazing..."
"No."
"It is."
"Isn't"
"Is"
"Isn't."
"is times infinity! Beat that!"
"Isn't times infinity plus 1. I am sorry Doctor but fish fingers and custard is not considered a popular meal by any known intelligent species".
"You can't just add one to infinity. That's the point of infinity! And they are so. All those lovely omega 3's and fatty acids floating around together. Fantastic combination."
"Perhaps. But no currently registered self-aware species has it listed as a possibly enjoyable flavour combination. And I include my own not inconsiderable intelligence in that assessment. .."
Of all the odd things that Jack had found upon coming back to life, this current situation would have to be right up there on the list. Below perhaps that thing with the feather duster and hippopotamus like creature from Cycliopia but definitely above the incident with the flying squid. Though thinking of that squid he may have actually managed to break a few more bones this time. Might be safer to play possum for a bit longer.
"...thus it cannot be the ultimate answer."
"..."
Okay... what? Right then. It was official. Whatever the Doctor had managed to get them into now it was actually weirder than that time with the hippos and the feather duster. That been said Jack had to agree with the weird electronic female voice. The only question fish fingers and custard could possibly be the answer to was 'what is one of the few meals Jack will make the Doctor brush his teeth after eating if he ever expects to get kissed again'. And somehow he didn't think that really applied to this situation.
"...well fine then. You obviously haven't considered the highly advanced tastebuds of timelords but I'll let it go this time. Just this time mind! What about tea then? Or Jammy Dodgers!? Jammy Dodgers make everything better. Oooh! Bananas! They're good too. And Bow ties! Bow ties are cool".
Okay. This had officially gotten just a little bit too weird for his tastes. He'd better interrupt and check he hadn't been sucked into some alternate universe while he was dead. Again.
"Doc? Who are you talking too?"
"Jack! Your back! Ooh Jack's back, Jack is back. Jack the Fact. Jack the Fact is back. Fact Jack is..."
"Doctor!"
"Oh right. Jack meet Deep Thought. Deep Thought this is Jack"
Looking over the Doctors cloud of hair all Jack could see was some type of giant computer screen resting on what looked like it was meant to be an arm.
Hi."
Correction. A talking giant female computer screen. "Hello. Captain Jack Harkness at your service".
"Jack..." the Doctor scolded
"Just saying hello."
Having finally managed to get the Doctor to give them a chance there was no way Jack would actually go through with his flirting anymore. Still, it was nice to keep in practice. And making the doctor just the slightest bit jealous often ended up working out very well later on if he did say so himself. And with the sense of amusement coming off this Deep Thought it seemed like he may have found a partner in crime for the day.
"The pleasure is all mine Captain."
"Oi! None of that! Or no more help on your little problem".
"I apologise Doctor. Please continue with your suggestions. Although may I suggest we aim for a more philosophical argument instead of say, a piece of fruit?"
"Doc?"
"Ah. Right. Sorry there Jack" answered the Doctor. "Deep thought here's been tasked to find the ultimate answer and she's got a bit stuck."
"Ultimate answer?"
His answer came from the very air around him - Deep Thought must have speakers embedded all over these ruins. "Hmm. The answer to life, the universe and everything. It's been giving me rather a bit of trouble. I've run the calculations and I can categorically say what it is not but that only helps by eliminating a few options".
"Well what have you tried?"
This it seems was the wrong thing to ask. Jack could only watch in bemusement as every suggestion the doctor came up with was shot down with what seemed to be an increasing sense of hopelessness.
"Love?"
"Too sappy. Also not always appropriate."
"Adventure?"
"Doesn't work for everything"
"God?"
"To hard to prove."
"Children?"
"No. Considered this one but they're too likely to continue their parent's mistakes. Also doesn't work for all species."
"Chocolate?"
"... close. But only really works for females."
"Family?"
"Same problem as the children option."
"Imagination?"
"Vogans."
"Point. Mystery?"
"... hmmm. No."
"A cup of tea?"
"Fairly certain we already covered food"
"Fezzes?"
"No. Just no."
"Ooh! I know! Bicycles!"
"...."
"...you should have stopped with the fezz."
It was at about this point the sheer ridiculousness of the situation the Doctor had got them into finally overcame him and Jack had no choice but to burst into laughter.
"Well let's see you do any better Mr Immortal."
"Sorry Doc. Sorry". Attempting to get his chuckles under control Jack took some time to consider the question. "It has to be metaphorical?"
"That would be most suitable yes" answered Deep Thought.
"You've got an idea haven't you?" questioned the Doctor as he stared into Jacks face. "Well come on. Out with it."
"... it's stupid. Don't worry. You guys keep going."
"No come on Jack. May as well hear it."
"Yes. It can't be worse than bicycles."
"It's just. My Dad used to say the thing about life was it was all a game of chance. You know, a roll of the dice kinda thing."
"..."
The stunned silence was starting to get to him "Oh come on! It wasn't that bad."
"No. No Jack. If fact, it might just actually work... Deep Thought? Thoughts? Ooo! The thoughts of Deep Thought, bet they never saw that coming. "
At this point Jack couldn't help himself. "Yes. He's always like that"
"I had wondered"
"Oi you two!" "Anyway, thought we were figuring out how to put this?"
"Sorry Doctor" chorused Jack and Deep Thought.
"I saw that you two. Well what about something to do with the numbers then? Since we're thinking dice."
"That could work Doctor, although it may need to be in a more definitive form. Perhaps a mathematical equation of some kind? My current calculations are having some difficulty narrowing the field however."
"No... not an equation a number. A single number. 21. The number of dots on a dice. No wait! 42! The number of dots on a pair of dice. Cause no one ever plays with just one do they. Really. Just think of how long monopoly would go for if you could only use one die. It'd never end! ...Actually, how does Monopoly end? Is it when everything's been bought or just when someone gets the most money do you think?"
"I always thought it was everyone had gone bankrupt... took for bloody ever though—Ianto always used to win by default" laughed Jack "they rest of us just ended up giving up!"
Deep Thought had obviously been considering the Doctor's suggestions while the other two had been talking. The 42 suggestion, not the other thing. Embarrassingly pan-dimensional beings didn't play Monopoly so Deep thought had no frame of reference for that part of the conversation.
"...42... your argument is sound Doctor. I will analyse this further. Thank you."
"You're welcome." Beamed the Doctor up at his new friend, "What do you think Jack?"
Still grinning at his friends enthusiasm, Jack could only turn to the giant AI that was Deep Thought an ask one final, very important, question. "Deep Thought?"
"Yes Captain Harkness"
"What's the way out of here?"
Trudging back to the TARDIS Jack couldn't help but ruminate on all the various ways the Doctor and he had spent their anniversaries over the millennia. And you know what, despite everything - the getting lost, the psychotic wildlife, the embarrassing deaths and the constant never-ending all day arguments, this had actually been one of the best anniversaries they'd ever had.
'And you know what...' Jack thought to himself as he started sprinting towards the Tardis in the distance, laughing out to the Doctor as he ran past.
"Race ya home Doc! Last one there has to clean out the kitchen!"
"Oi! You cheat! You're meant to say ready, set, go first!"
'... I wouldn't have this any other way.'
"...42... Yes. The correct answer is 42. I'm quite sure now."
And so Deep Thought settled down to watch some TV. Safe in the knowledge that even if it's pan-dimensional creators hadn't got the ultimate question, at least they could get the ultimate answer.
Author's note: The bit about the answer 42 coming from the number of dots on a pair of dice is thought to be true. Douglas Adams—the creator of Hitch-hikers guide to the galaxy apparently told this story (the idea of dice and 42, not the Doctor Who bit obviously :)) to a journalist in an interview shortly before he died.
Author:
javana12Pairing: Jack/Eleven
Rating: PG really, PG-13 to be safe
Spoilers/warnings: Cross-over with Hitch-hikers Guide. No real spoilers, as long as you've seen enough of the 7th series to know who Clara is. :) Kind of AU in that at some point in the future Jack and Eleven are travelling together. Some familiarity with the Hitch-hikers guide to the Galaxy would also be useful.
Disclaimer: Wish I owned it but sadly I don't.
Notes: '...' = thoughts, "..." = speech.
Author note: I haven't written anything in a really long time so I hope this is ok. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Especially since the only things I've written recently was for a script-writing course and I definitely found it really difficult to get my head out of the speech patterns you need for that type of work onto the more literary descriptive language needed for this type of writing. So any suggestions/comments/opinions welcome.
Prompt 4: 15, Crystal, Scribe of the Complex, The Eternal Argument
"Well if we'd just stopped back at that Xolicion Fly booth and asked we wouldn't be lost would we?"
"We're not lost Jack. Have a little faith there, we've just managed to become temporarily displaced in our spacial coordinates"
"Doctor we're lost. Admit it."
"We're not! See. Look, that crystal formation looks just like a pineapple. The old woman said to go right at the giant pineapple."
"Doctor. They all look like giant pineapples. This is the third one you've said to turn right at. Or its' the same one we're just walking round in circles. Again." They'd been having the same argument for several minutes now and Jack, it must have been said, was getting rather tired of it all. "Why don't I just ring up the traveller information centre and have them send out someone to find us?"
"No no Jack! Finding the Scribe of Magrathea won't mean anything if we get help. Just think of it as an adventure."
"... What is it with timelords and asking for directions?" sighed Jack to himself as he followed the running timelord further into the crystal cannons. As far as special surprises went, this one had been rather disappointing so far. They'd arrived on Magrathea 6 hours ago, and having left the Tardis at the visitors centre had set out on foot to see this mythical fortune-teller. Of course 6 hours ago they still had all their provisions; it had been a pleasant sunny day and the thought of spending a couple of uninterrupted hours with just the Doctor while Clara and her new husband Rex were off honeymooning sounded like heaven. So far the sun had completely disappeared behind some rather ominous looking clouds, all of their provisions had been nicked by some enterprising possum like creatures and they'd gotten lost. In fact the only thing Jack still found enjoyable about the whole trip was that he and the Doctor were finally getting some one on one time together. Not that he didn't love having Clara and Rex travelling with them—well just Clara really according to the Doc, but these days where Clara went Rex was soon to follow; but it was nice occasionally to just be by themselves. Jack had even enjoyed trying to get their food back from those psychotic possum creatures all things considered but he really would kind of like to go back to the Tardis now.
It was just as Jack was contemplating exactly what he and the Doctor could be getting up to in the Tardis by themselves when the timelord started waving is sonic screwdriver round in excitement.
"Jack! Over here! There's a break in the isomorphic crystalline lattice here. If I had to guess I'd say there was a built in structure behind this wall, and given the right settings I should be able to..." Seeing the cracks starting to form up the side of the cannon Jack couldn't help but have reservations. After all their luck being what it was...
"Doctor maybe we..."
... some type of natural disaster was almost guaranteed. A prophecy which it seemed was about to be proven correct as they felt the floor start to move. Stumbling into the Doctor, Jack grabbed a hold of his jacket while frantically trying to block the falling bits of rock and crystal.
"Nearly there Jack. Hold on. I've... just ... about... got it!"
The shaking was getting worse. The rocks falling down were at size of large dogs by now.
"Doctor... whatever you're planning to do. I'd hurry up if I was you!" Jack screamed as he scrambled out of the way of a chunk of rock that was at least the size of a small car.
"Nearly there..."
"Doctor!"
"We're through! Jack give me your hand!"
Yanking Jack forward the Doctor pulled them into the newly formed tunnel just as the entrance was filled in with falling rubble.
Boom.
"..."
"... Ja"
".... Jack"
"... Jack!"
Finally the ringing in his ears quietened enough Jack could hear the Doctor shouting. Coughing he tried desperately to answer.
"I'm ok doc. Just a bit a loud there".
"Oh good. That's good".
Looking round now that the sparkling dust was settling Jack could see the Doctor sagging
against the wall in relief.
Perking up now that the danger was over the doctor had started to look around where they'd ended up. It seemed to be some sort of man-made, or to be honest creature made, tunnel that was running through the sections making up the canyon walls. "Wonder how they carved this one. Must have been at least 64th Century laser technology to get the walls this smooth. Ooo I wonder where it leads... "
And there went the Doctor.
Chuckling silently to himself Jack heaved himself up to follow. Dusting himself off as he walked after the glowing tip of the Doctor's sonic, he couldn't help but feel guiltily grateful that Gwen and Clara weren't here -the vampire references alone would have just been unbearable.
"You know the Magratheans used to worship these pan-dimensional beings. Used to build them giant computers—as big as planets! Can you imagine?! Well technically, actually they weren't really pan dimensional beings, more like an overdeveloped form of inter-spacial consciousness. And they weren't even that scary actually. Used to have to get around using the forms of white mice—loved to have all you silly little apes worshipping them as gods. Course then someone discovered cats...."
"Mice? Really?"
"Hmm. Yes. Weird habit that. But anyway, legend has it they built a giant computer on this planet. So powerful it could answer any question you could think of."
"What? You mean like why you seem to be incapable of putting the milk away after you've used it?"
"Yes like... Oi! Don't see what that's got to do with anything. "
"It has to do with the fact that when I went to get my breakfast this morning. You know that thing us humans get at the beginning of the day? And I'd just sat down with a coffee and bowl of cereal, only to discover, to my joy, the milk had gone off. Again. Because someone keeps leaving it out on the kitchen bench overnight."
"... well don't look at me! You know the Tardis is perfectly capable of keeping the kitchen in stasis."
"Yes doctor. She does. Except when you decide to recalibrate the temperature stabilising array. Like you did last night. Again."
"...ah."
"... really? That's all you're going to say?"
The contrite look which settled onto the Doctor's face was an answer in itself, "Well to be fair it has been playing up recently".
This was quite obviously very much the wrong thing to say considering the angry silence now radiating from Jack's direction.
Spinning round to face him the Doctor grabbed one of Jack's hands. "Jack you know..."
"Shh..." Jack sighed as he interrupted, silencing the Doctor with one of his fingers across the Doctor's lips. "It's ok doc. I get it."
"But Ja..."
"Shh doctor, it's ok. I know." Smiling wryly in exasperated amusement at his partner in crime, Jack looked back as he walked forward towards the tunnel entrance. "Anyway come on. This giant scribe computer isn't going to find itsel..."
"Jack!" Running forward the Doctor only just managed to catch himself before he joined his friend in taking a tumble down the ancient stone stairway outside the tunnel entrance. The ferns and plants had hidden the stairs from view earlier and Jack as always had been too busy talking to pay attention to where he was going. Looking round frantically the doctor finally managed to locate Jacks body. It had landed in a heap in front of what looked like a giant TV screen at the bottom of all the stairs. Broken neck by the looks of things. That would probably take a while to come back from, but he'd better get down there quick as possible anyway. And to think he'd just wanted one nice and easy-going day to celebrate Jack still being here with him. Just one.
Silently the Doctor started to rearrange his friend into a more comfortable position. Looked like he'd managed to break most of his other bones as well as his neck. He hoped they healed first. The Doctor hated it when Jack woke up before he finished fully healing. Of course it was nice having him back in the land of the living as soon as possible—the universe had actually started to feel wrong now when jack wasn't around and up to his normal tricks. And what a turn up that was! But he felt wretched knowing his friend was suffering in pain when he couldn't do anything.
"Come on old boy. No time for lazing around. Up you get".
"Was that your friend? I'm sorry to inform you but all scans indicate no vital signs are detected."
"Who said that?!" Frantically looking around the Doctor tried to spot where the voice had come from. But apart from the giant TV screen and plant life there didn't seem to be anything else around.
"I did."
Incredible. Looked like the noise was coming from the screen itself, which according to his sonic's readings was some kind of giant, half organic AI.
"Amazing..."
"No."
"It is."
"Isn't"
"Is"
"Isn't."
"is times infinity! Beat that!"
"Isn't times infinity plus 1. I am sorry Doctor but fish fingers and custard is not considered a popular meal by any known intelligent species".
"You can't just add one to infinity. That's the point of infinity! And they are so. All those lovely omega 3's and fatty acids floating around together. Fantastic combination."
"Perhaps. But no currently registered self-aware species has it listed as a possibly enjoyable flavour combination. And I include my own not inconsiderable intelligence in that assessment. .."
Of all the odd things that Jack had found upon coming back to life, this current situation would have to be right up there on the list. Below perhaps that thing with the feather duster and hippopotamus like creature from Cycliopia but definitely above the incident with the flying squid. Though thinking of that squid he may have actually managed to break a few more bones this time. Might be safer to play possum for a bit longer.
"...thus it cannot be the ultimate answer."
"..."
Okay... what? Right then. It was official. Whatever the Doctor had managed to get them into now it was actually weirder than that time with the hippos and the feather duster. That been said Jack had to agree with the weird electronic female voice. The only question fish fingers and custard could possibly be the answer to was 'what is one of the few meals Jack will make the Doctor brush his teeth after eating if he ever expects to get kissed again'. And somehow he didn't think that really applied to this situation.
"...well fine then. You obviously haven't considered the highly advanced tastebuds of timelords but I'll let it go this time. Just this time mind! What about tea then? Or Jammy Dodgers!? Jammy Dodgers make everything better. Oooh! Bananas! They're good too. And Bow ties! Bow ties are cool".
Okay. This had officially gotten just a little bit too weird for his tastes. He'd better interrupt and check he hadn't been sucked into some alternate universe while he was dead. Again.
"Doc? Who are you talking too?"
"Jack! Your back! Ooh Jack's back, Jack is back. Jack the Fact. Jack the Fact is back. Fact Jack is..."
"Doctor!"
"Oh right. Jack meet Deep Thought. Deep Thought this is Jack"
Looking over the Doctors cloud of hair all Jack could see was some type of giant computer screen resting on what looked like it was meant to be an arm.
Hi."
Correction. A talking giant female computer screen. "Hello. Captain Jack Harkness at your service".
"Jack..." the Doctor scolded
"Just saying hello."
Having finally managed to get the Doctor to give them a chance there was no way Jack would actually go through with his flirting anymore. Still, it was nice to keep in practice. And making the doctor just the slightest bit jealous often ended up working out very well later on if he did say so himself. And with the sense of amusement coming off this Deep Thought it seemed like he may have found a partner in crime for the day.
"The pleasure is all mine Captain."
"Oi! None of that! Or no more help on your little problem".
"I apologise Doctor. Please continue with your suggestions. Although may I suggest we aim for a more philosophical argument instead of say, a piece of fruit?"
"Doc?"
"Ah. Right. Sorry there Jack" answered the Doctor. "Deep thought here's been tasked to find the ultimate answer and she's got a bit stuck."
"Ultimate answer?"
His answer came from the very air around him - Deep Thought must have speakers embedded all over these ruins. "Hmm. The answer to life, the universe and everything. It's been giving me rather a bit of trouble. I've run the calculations and I can categorically say what it is not but that only helps by eliminating a few options".
"Well what have you tried?"
This it seems was the wrong thing to ask. Jack could only watch in bemusement as every suggestion the doctor came up with was shot down with what seemed to be an increasing sense of hopelessness.
"Love?"
"Too sappy. Also not always appropriate."
"Adventure?"
"Doesn't work for everything"
"God?"
"To hard to prove."
"Children?"
"No. Considered this one but they're too likely to continue their parent's mistakes. Also doesn't work for all species."
"Chocolate?"
"... close. But only really works for females."
"Family?"
"Same problem as the children option."
"Imagination?"
"Vogans."
"Point. Mystery?"
"... hmmm. No."
"A cup of tea?"
"Fairly certain we already covered food"
"Fezzes?"
"No. Just no."
"Ooh! I know! Bicycles!"
"...."
"...you should have stopped with the fezz."
It was at about this point the sheer ridiculousness of the situation the Doctor had got them into finally overcame him and Jack had no choice but to burst into laughter.
"Well let's see you do any better Mr Immortal."
"Sorry Doc. Sorry". Attempting to get his chuckles under control Jack took some time to consider the question. "It has to be metaphorical?"
"That would be most suitable yes" answered Deep Thought.
"You've got an idea haven't you?" questioned the Doctor as he stared into Jacks face. "Well come on. Out with it."
"... it's stupid. Don't worry. You guys keep going."
"No come on Jack. May as well hear it."
"Yes. It can't be worse than bicycles."
"It's just. My Dad used to say the thing about life was it was all a game of chance. You know, a roll of the dice kinda thing."
"..."
The stunned silence was starting to get to him "Oh come on! It wasn't that bad."
"No. No Jack. If fact, it might just actually work... Deep Thought? Thoughts? Ooo! The thoughts of Deep Thought, bet they never saw that coming. "
At this point Jack couldn't help himself. "Yes. He's always like that"
"I had wondered"
"Oi you two!" "Anyway, thought we were figuring out how to put this?"
"Sorry Doctor" chorused Jack and Deep Thought.
"I saw that you two. Well what about something to do with the numbers then? Since we're thinking dice."
"That could work Doctor, although it may need to be in a more definitive form. Perhaps a mathematical equation of some kind? My current calculations are having some difficulty narrowing the field however."
"No... not an equation a number. A single number. 21. The number of dots on a dice. No wait! 42! The number of dots on a pair of dice. Cause no one ever plays with just one do they. Really. Just think of how long monopoly would go for if you could only use one die. It'd never end! ...Actually, how does Monopoly end? Is it when everything's been bought or just when someone gets the most money do you think?"
"I always thought it was everyone had gone bankrupt... took for bloody ever though—Ianto always used to win by default" laughed Jack "they rest of us just ended up giving up!"
Deep Thought had obviously been considering the Doctor's suggestions while the other two had been talking. The 42 suggestion, not the other thing. Embarrassingly pan-dimensional beings didn't play Monopoly so Deep thought had no frame of reference for that part of the conversation.
"...42... your argument is sound Doctor. I will analyse this further. Thank you."
"You're welcome." Beamed the Doctor up at his new friend, "What do you think Jack?"
Still grinning at his friends enthusiasm, Jack could only turn to the giant AI that was Deep Thought an ask one final, very important, question. "Deep Thought?"
"Yes Captain Harkness"
"What's the way out of here?"
Trudging back to the TARDIS Jack couldn't help but ruminate on all the various ways the Doctor and he had spent their anniversaries over the millennia. And you know what, despite everything - the getting lost, the psychotic wildlife, the embarrassing deaths and the constant never-ending all day arguments, this had actually been one of the best anniversaries they'd ever had.
'And you know what...' Jack thought to himself as he started sprinting towards the Tardis in the distance, laughing out to the Doctor as he ran past.
"Race ya home Doc! Last one there has to clean out the kitchen!"
"Oi! You cheat! You're meant to say ready, set, go first!"
'... I wouldn't have this any other way.'
"...42... Yes. The correct answer is 42. I'm quite sure now."
And so Deep Thought settled down to watch some TV. Safe in the knowledge that even if it's pan-dimensional creators hadn't got the ultimate question, at least they could get the ultimate answer.
Author's note: The bit about the answer 42 coming from the number of dots on a pair of dice is thought to be true. Douglas Adams—the creator of Hitch-hikers guide to the galaxy apparently told this story (the idea of dice and 42, not the Doctor Who bit obviously :)) to a journalist in an interview shortly before he died.