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wintercompanion2011-04-30 12:20 pm
navaan) wrote in wintercompanion2011-04-30 12:20 pm
Entry tags:
Navaan: Before Distress Can Take A Hold (Ten/Jack) [PG]
Title: Before Distress Can Take A Hold
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
navaan
Challenge: 2011 Doctor/Jack Bingo Fest
Prompt used: he has to let it happen
Rating: PG
Pairing: Ten/Jack
Spoilers/warnings: A little season 4, a little Waters of Mars
Summary: Jack makes the decision that pursuing the Doctor is only in his best interest, it's all a bit timey-wimey from there. Little hints of AU after Waters of Mars.
He had always felt the Doctor was worth working for it, but had no real interest in pursuing a relationship with anyone. But then they’d met in the middle of a exploding space ship, made their escape together and the Doctor, watching him wearily all of the time had taken him on board the Tardis.
“We’re out of synch,” he told him, throwing his brown overcoat over the railing. He gave the working Vortex Manipulator at Jack’s wrist a disapproving glance, but didn’t say anything about it.
“Looks like it,” Jack agreed. “You look young. When have I seen you last? You know - from your perspective?”
The Doctor, in his now familiar pinstriped suit, shrugged. “Doesn’t really matter, does it? Not too long ago though. The whole Dalek thing...”
“Ah. That. Nearly 400 years ago for me then.” It wasn’t hard to gather that the Doctor had figured that out already just by looking at him, because he wasn’t even looking at him now, carefully avoiding any eye contact. “You’re still travelling alone? Shouldn’t you have picked up some company by now?”
“Better this way.” The expression didn’t give away anything. Cold, closed off. An icy mask covering a deeper distress.
“You’re kidding me, right?” He didn’t want to believe it, but there was a strangely cold look in the Doctor’s brown eyes that told him he should.
“I’m not good with people, really.” That was just so wrong that Jack wanted to disagree instantly. But he didn't get the chance when the Doctor beat him by asking: “Where should I drop you off?”
It was obvious that something was really wrong here and he tried to remember what exactly had happened the last time they'd met. “Want to get rid of me, too? Are you blaming yourself? It’s not your fault what happened to Donna.”
He sighed then, tired and not wiling to really talk about it. “It’s not only Donna. I lost Rose twice. I lost her to my own more human self. I hurt Martha and I lost my best friend.”
“So? Some relationships just don’t work out,” he said. “Doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life all alone. Take it from me.”
The Doctor shook his head. “I’d rather believe every relationship has a chance as long as both persons really want it to work. Rose wanted it to work.” He let that sink in for a moment, then asked again: “So where do you want to get off?”
“There is a space station in the orbit of Borgel. People are waiting for me there.”
The Doctor just nodded. Without asking further questions he started to push buttons, giving the Tardis the coordinates to get them to the right place in space and time.
When they reached their destination and made their goodbyes, Jack didn’t tell the Doctor that he had learned something interesting about him today: Now with hundreds of years of experience he was finally up to the challenge of wooing the Doctor. The trick was getting the Doctor’s attention.
And this time Jack swore to himself he’d finally get it right. Now the only question that remained was: What point in time was appropriate?
He’d have to go to the source.
***
After the disastrous Christmas on a space ship named Titanic he had travelled alone for a while without finding anything interesting.
But when the Doctor found a message carved into the walls of a Byzantine church he was slightly puzzled. He had been about to make a dash to the Tardis and leave this place for something more exciting, but now he could only stand and stare. Whoever would leave him a message in English here and now.
He studied the carving and concluded that it couldn’t be old.
It simply read: Hope your having fun, Doctor.
He stared at it for some time and then decided to do what he had wanted to do in the first place: Leave. And fast.
***
He tried to ignore it for a while.
But when more messages appeared - written on walls, mirrors, posters, painted on the hull of a gigantic mining spaceship - he started to get a little paranoid.
Hey, Doc.
Hello, sweetheart, try not to get burned when the tricore explodes.
Not a good idea, Doctor, believe me, written on a door he had been about to open. Of course, he disregarded the anonymous warning and jumped right into the adventure - and nearly instantly regretted ever opening said door.
It was getting to the point were it was more than a little unnerving.
It crossed that point when he was arrested on Satellite C-14 of all places and was released because somebody had already paid for his bail. And that without even leaving a name. The Doctor ranted about stupid legal practices in the 32nd century and fled - in a very dignified, unhurried way, of course.
River?
But how could she have know where he would be and what he would do?
The Master, he thought with some unease. But even if he were alive, he wouldn't go about his grand plan to conquer the universe by calling him sweetheart or Doc.
It made him feel uneasy that he couldn’t come up with any better explanation. And it seemed he had no idea where to go now, since the person seemed able to find him anywhere. Suddenly he wanted to ask someone where they wanted to go, what theywanted to go. After all he had learned at an early stage of his flight from Gallifrey that running around the universe was so much more fun than running away from something all on your own.
But no.
He had to go on alone. He couldn’t put anyone else through this.
You’re not alone, the Psychic Paper told him, not helping his mood at all.
***
He was feeling a little less haunted by the messages after saving a species of highly intelligent butterflies on a paradise like planet that was to be mined, then overthrowing an army of Cybermen on the verge of taking over a human colony in outer space. He felt quite good travelling alone now.
But when he found another message - this time artfully carved into the surface of an apparatus he had picked up to enhance the Tardis scanners - he felt like a schoolboy that had been passed a paper note behind the teachers back. Use it wisely.
He chuckled at the insolence of it. As if anyone was up to telling him what to do!
***
The messages changed slightly in tone only a few days later.
“You look good in a tux.”
“You’re overdressed for a beach resort.”
“All the best, your secret admirer.”
By now the Doctor wouldn’t have need the hint to know that he wasn’t dealing with a psychopath, but with one Jack Harkness. He was amused and a little puzzled how Jack was pulling this off. Last time he had seen the man he’d left him with his team in Cardiff, after the Master had died he had disabled his Vortex Manipulator after all... He was also a little afraid that the explanation was something irresponsible and rash.
That Jack was using a Vortex manipulator was obvious, but how did he know where the Doctor would be?
The next message read: You shouldn’t flirt with strangers, and made him raise an eyebrow. He hadn’t even been aware that he was actively flirting with anyone. With Jack and his own flirting habits this could only be meant as a joke. So he decided to smile and laugh about it.
It was really quite charming - even if it was annoying.
He really wanted to know how Jack did it though. Vortex Manipulator or not this involved more than a little finesse on his part.
Then he received another note via the Psychic Paper: coordinates and “Wear the tuxedo. Love, Jack.”
For a moment he considered going anywhere but there, but curiosity won out in the end, of course. As Jack must have thought it would.
***
He’d expected a posh restaurant to round up the whole chliché, maybe an old fashioned earth establishment. Instead he found himself in a fancy futuristic ballroom. Still corny enough, the Doctor supposed.
Jack was around. He could feel him, although he hadn’t spotted him yet between all the rich and probably famous people that had gathered here for an entertaining evening.
“Care to dance?”
The Doctor turned and blinked at the outstretched hand. Jack had dressed up, too, and was smiling. He looked something between smug and deliberately mysterious.
“You know, dancing,” said Jack. “When you move your feet and body in time with some music. Seen you do it before. With a partner, too, if I remember correctly."
He glanced at the Vortex Manipulator and back at the smiling face. “We’re out of synch,” he remarked. It earned him a bright, knowing smile. Obviously Jack had known they would be out of synch.
“Does that mean we can’t dance?” he asked with a voice that sounded all too innocent. He didn’t draw back his hand, his eyes still twinkling with the smile.
The smug bastard was thinking he had the upper hand here. The Doctor looked over his shoulder at the dancing crowd, and the people drinking, talking and laughing at the side lines, then he stared at Jack again through narrowed eyes. “I lead.”
“Don’t you always?” Jack wasn’t even blinking, taking it in stride again.
The Doctor huffed, but finally took Jack’s outstretched hand. And of course, on top of it all, Jack was an amazing dancer. He really felt he should do something dramatic just to throw Jack off his high horse, to show him that he wasn’t just some passive little date you could drag along to the tunes you chose. He was good at dramatic - usually. But the dramatic things he’d normally do, wouldn’t come as surprise for Jack. Something Jack wouldn’t see coming?
So he did the one thing he could think of.
And he did have the satisfaction of seeing Jack’s eyes widen with surprise, just before he tugged him down to capture his mouth. He kissed Jack, long and hard and not in the least bit passive. He was only slightly aware of the arms that are suddenly wrapping themselves around his body, pulling him closer. Jack allowed the kiss to deepen, and the Doctor only noticed he had let himself be carried away when the music stopped and they pull apart, not really letting go of each other, but staring.
“That was unexpected,” Jack said with a smile.
The Doctor felt everything come to a stop, an unsettling feeling took hold of him. “This was a bad idea.” He stormed off back to the Tardis without another word. But he still heard Jack mumble: “Not the right time then.”
***
He was glad that there were no more messages - or that Jack had gotten his message. There was no sense in pursuing this. He didn’t have any interest in company. So what on earth had given Jack the idea that he was interested in anything else along these lines?
But what on earth had made him kiss Jack? And what on earth made him think about kissing Jack now?
***
It was nearly one month later when he finally figured something out: He was interested in Jack.
He was also afraid that it was a stupid and dangerous idea to pursue.
At this point he wasn’t even pretending that he really had a full grasp of all that was going on.
There were so many possible complications for both of them. Jack was immortal and the Doctor was as close as he could get. There would be no forever for them, but they’d forever be around. And that hadn’t worked out the first time he’d tried it - back when he’d been young and in love on Gallifrey.
But this was so much more complicated.
There was so much unresolved history and tension between them, and the Jack that had been following him around, wasn’t from the right point in time. This could go wrong in so many ways that it wasn’t even funny.
It reminded him of all that happened lately. It made him miss to have someone around, to share his experiences. Exploration was so much more fun with a travelling companion... But all his friends and loved one’s left through his own doing. Because he was this insufferable trouble magnet - and because there was that space between himself and other people, a gap he could not traverse for fear of hurting anybody else. He hadn’t allowed himself to let anyone too close since he had left Gallifrey, even if he had loved.
There was a reason why he was the one to leave others behind - over and over again.
That was when the first new message arrived. You know where to find me if you’re ever ready.
***
“Helllo.”
“Don’t even start.” He’d resisted for nearly two month, gallivanting around the universe, distracting himself, but not once had he managed to stop thinking about this. He didn’t follow others around the universe -- he just didn’t.
But when he’d finally decided to make up his mind and go looking for Jack anyway, it had been a matter of minutes to follow the traces of his impossibility and land right here in an alien jungle where Jack was. Future-Jack, as the Doctor had started to call him in his mind. “Our time-lines seem to be mixed up. I hope you’re happy now.” He tried to sound angry. Angry enough to hide his own confusion at coming here in the first place.
Jack smiled and pointed out the obvious: “You’re here.”
“Yes, I am.”
“What does that mean, then?” Jack's smile turned into a more serious expression. “Do I finally have your attention?”
The Doctor couldn’t hold a stern expression. “My attention! Is that what this is all about? You drive me crazy with your stupid...”
He didn’t get to say it, because Jack’s mouth was on his before he had even found the right word to describe what Jack had been doing to him. Jack’s tongue flicked at his lower lip and he felt a flash of heat go trough him. He shouldn’t let this happen without knowing what he really wanted. But he opened his mouth and was surprised to hear his own muffled gasp when there tongues touch. This is so much more forceful than the last time they’d kissed. The rush of emotion overrode all of his protests.
Suddenly he realized that he had his arms wrapped around Jack, holding him close. He'd no idea when that had actually happened, but it was good. He didn’t want to let go.
They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves all the way back to the Tardis, stumbling through the undergrowth without really looking where they were going. They were kissing again as soon as they were inside. Jack set the pace and he turned this kiss into something slow and deliberate. The Doctor was surprised to find that he wanted this.
His mind was already half way through analysing when exactly he had started to want this so badly, when Jack broke the kiss to nip his neck. “Stop thinking,” he told him. “You’re ruining all my hard work.”
He wanted to protest, complain, explain that this hadn’t anything to do with Jack leaving those messages, but finally his thoughts went silent when Jack kissed him again. His own hands were already fumbling with Jack’s shirt buttons.
The first room they passed was something like a cramped sitting room, but it had a comfortable sofa. The Doctor had the distinct feeling the room had been further down the hall just yesterday, but at the moment he was glad they didn’t have to stumble down the Tardis corridors for one minute longer.
Jack seems to agree, he lets go long enough to let himself fall onto the sofa, then pulls him down on top of himself.
This is crazy, the Doctor thought.
And scary....
And good.
***
They lay together on the cramped sofa, not saying anything. The Doctor was staring at the rooms dark ceiling. He felt content and warm, although most of his clothes were strewn about the floor. Jack was completely naked beside him, his hands tracing endless patterns on his exposed skin, watching him with an expectant expression.
“So you went to all this trouble for...” the Doctor started, pointedly not meeting Jack’s eyes.
“To teach you a lesson,” Jack answered, not ceasing the touching.
“A lesson?”
“Yup.”
The Doctor let the information sink in, before he looked at Jack who had his head resting on the Doctor’s chest now, looking like a content cat. “I’m not sure I learned something I didn't know before, really.”
“Oh, I think you did. And there are a few things I’d still like to teach you,” Jack chuckled. “Although that’s a different story.” He fell silent for a moment and the Doctor was thinking about asking again, but Jack finally took mercy and told him: “I wanted to remind you that you are not that different from us stupid human beings really. You don’t have too keep yourself apart. You need this as much as we do - once in a while at least.”
He tired to follow Jack's line of thinking and felt he had no idea what he was talking about. “Sex?” he asked, guessing.
“Intimacy, you idiot, Seriously can’t you think of anything but sex now? I knew I was good...”
He punched Jack’s arm lightly to shut him up “Stop bragging. How did you do it? The messages?”
“I had a little help, you know. The Tardis has records of all your travels.” He sat up to look down at the Doctor. “I met a you that had decided to be all alone, that maybe had gone through too much. I know how that feels believe me. And I decided to teach you a lesson before any of it happened so you would know that whatever happened, you’d never be truly alone. And your old girl - she kindly agreed with me.”
He sat up along side Jack. “You’re changing the flow of time!”
“Of course. I’m changing everything. A thing like me is impossible. Why not do impossible things? I only change what’s in flow anyway.”
“How can you be so flippant about it!”
“Don’t be a hypocrite. You meddle all the time.” Jack shrugged and let himself fall back into the cushions.
He knew Jack was right, but he just didn’t feel comfortable with the knowledge that something was possibly meddling with his time stream. “Don’t worry, Doctor. You can’t go back to change you own time-line. I know that, and I’m not changing mine. I’m changing yours. Just a tiny tittle bit.”
The Doctor didn’t feel at all appeased by that. Looking at Jack made him feel strange at the best of times. It was like looking into a void that was endless possibility and nothingness all at once. “You’re not going to tell me what happened?” He hated spoilers above all.
“No. Of course not.”
“Good.” He settled back down. “I’m not sure I learned the lesson you were trying to teach here.”
Jack cleared his throat. “Actually I’m sure the fact that we’re lying here is proof you have indeed learned something.” He stroked along the Doctor’s belly and he gasped in response.
“So what have I learned?” he asked with a sigh.
“You learned that I’m - oh so conveniently - never far away. And you can always find me if you want to.”
“Right. I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I’m made for this kind of... relationship.”
“I’d rather believe every relationship has a chance as long as both persons really want it to work,” Jack said, chuckling in a way that made the Doctor think he had missed the joke. “You think in the normal categories, you know. But with the two of us, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It can be anything we want it to be. No forever ever after, no staying together forever, but forever being together when we want or need it. Don’t you see? It can be all you want it to be - if you want it.”
And strangely he did see.
He'd find another companion and not travel alone any more.
***
It was after losing Donna, after losing Rose for the second time, after seeing a happy younger Jack who had no need of him, and after travelling alone for a while and nearly changing the history of Bowie Base One on Mars that he truly understood.
He'd been upset and had given in to the urge to find Jack. It hadn't been hard to do so. “I nearly did something horrible, Jack. I nearly changed a fixed point,” he said.
Jack - his Jack, the older one - was patting the seat beside him. “Sit down. You look like you could use some rest.” His voice was level, but his eyes showed how much he cared.
“I had to let them die... I didn’t want to.” He sat down. “I nearly went and changed everything.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I didn’t,” he said. “But I wanted to.”
Jack pulled him close, putting his arms around him. He was starting to get used to this kind of intimacy and let it happen without protest. “I know,” Jack whispered, “but I’m glad you didn’t.” He pressed a kiss to the Doctor’s temple. “I’m glad you didn’t. Some things have to happen.”
He didn’t ask what Jack knew about it. He didn’t want to know if something had changed. And he was glad he didn’t have to deal with these memories alone.
“Let's go from here,” Jack whispered. “It's all new territory for both of us from now on.”
One day he'd ask the question, ask about the hundreds of years Jack had lived without him. But today he was ready to just look forward.
Author:
navaan Challenge: 2011 Doctor/Jack Bingo Fest
Prompt used: he has to let it happen
Rating: PG
Pairing: Ten/Jack
Spoilers/warnings: A little season 4, a little Waters of Mars
Summary: Jack makes the decision that pursuing the Doctor is only in his best interest, it's all a bit timey-wimey from there. Little hints of AU after Waters of Mars.
He had always felt the Doctor was worth working for it, but had no real interest in pursuing a relationship with anyone. But then they’d met in the middle of a exploding space ship, made their escape together and the Doctor, watching him wearily all of the time had taken him on board the Tardis.
“We’re out of synch,” he told him, throwing his brown overcoat over the railing. He gave the working Vortex Manipulator at Jack’s wrist a disapproving glance, but didn’t say anything about it.
“Looks like it,” Jack agreed. “You look young. When have I seen you last? You know - from your perspective?”
The Doctor, in his now familiar pinstriped suit, shrugged. “Doesn’t really matter, does it? Not too long ago though. The whole Dalek thing...”
“Ah. That. Nearly 400 years ago for me then.” It wasn’t hard to gather that the Doctor had figured that out already just by looking at him, because he wasn’t even looking at him now, carefully avoiding any eye contact. “You’re still travelling alone? Shouldn’t you have picked up some company by now?”
“Better this way.” The expression didn’t give away anything. Cold, closed off. An icy mask covering a deeper distress.
“You’re kidding me, right?” He didn’t want to believe it, but there was a strangely cold look in the Doctor’s brown eyes that told him he should.
“I’m not good with people, really.” That was just so wrong that Jack wanted to disagree instantly. But he didn't get the chance when the Doctor beat him by asking: “Where should I drop you off?”
It was obvious that something was really wrong here and he tried to remember what exactly had happened the last time they'd met. “Want to get rid of me, too? Are you blaming yourself? It’s not your fault what happened to Donna.”
He sighed then, tired and not wiling to really talk about it. “It’s not only Donna. I lost Rose twice. I lost her to my own more human self. I hurt Martha and I lost my best friend.”
“So? Some relationships just don’t work out,” he said. “Doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life all alone. Take it from me.”
The Doctor shook his head. “I’d rather believe every relationship has a chance as long as both persons really want it to work. Rose wanted it to work.” He let that sink in for a moment, then asked again: “So where do you want to get off?”
“There is a space station in the orbit of Borgel. People are waiting for me there.”
The Doctor just nodded. Without asking further questions he started to push buttons, giving the Tardis the coordinates to get them to the right place in space and time.
When they reached their destination and made their goodbyes, Jack didn’t tell the Doctor that he had learned something interesting about him today: Now with hundreds of years of experience he was finally up to the challenge of wooing the Doctor. The trick was getting the Doctor’s attention.
And this time Jack swore to himself he’d finally get it right. Now the only question that remained was: What point in time was appropriate?
He’d have to go to the source.
***
After the disastrous Christmas on a space ship named Titanic he had travelled alone for a while without finding anything interesting.
But when the Doctor found a message carved into the walls of a Byzantine church he was slightly puzzled. He had been about to make a dash to the Tardis and leave this place for something more exciting, but now he could only stand and stare. Whoever would leave him a message in English here and now.
He studied the carving and concluded that it couldn’t be old.
It simply read: Hope your having fun, Doctor.
He stared at it for some time and then decided to do what he had wanted to do in the first place: Leave. And fast.
***
He tried to ignore it for a while.
But when more messages appeared - written on walls, mirrors, posters, painted on the hull of a gigantic mining spaceship - he started to get a little paranoid.
Hey, Doc.
Hello, sweetheart, try not to get burned when the tricore explodes.
Not a good idea, Doctor, believe me, written on a door he had been about to open. Of course, he disregarded the anonymous warning and jumped right into the adventure - and nearly instantly regretted ever opening said door.
It was getting to the point were it was more than a little unnerving.
It crossed that point when he was arrested on Satellite C-14 of all places and was released because somebody had already paid for his bail. And that without even leaving a name. The Doctor ranted about stupid legal practices in the 32nd century and fled - in a very dignified, unhurried way, of course.
River?
But how could she have know where he would be and what he would do?
The Master, he thought with some unease. But even if he were alive, he wouldn't go about his grand plan to conquer the universe by calling him sweetheart or Doc.
It made him feel uneasy that he couldn’t come up with any better explanation. And it seemed he had no idea where to go now, since the person seemed able to find him anywhere. Suddenly he wanted to ask someone where they wanted to go, what theywanted to go. After all he had learned at an early stage of his flight from Gallifrey that running around the universe was so much more fun than running away from something all on your own.
But no.
He had to go on alone. He couldn’t put anyone else through this.
You’re not alone, the Psychic Paper told him, not helping his mood at all.
***
He was feeling a little less haunted by the messages after saving a species of highly intelligent butterflies on a paradise like planet that was to be mined, then overthrowing an army of Cybermen on the verge of taking over a human colony in outer space. He felt quite good travelling alone now.
But when he found another message - this time artfully carved into the surface of an apparatus he had picked up to enhance the Tardis scanners - he felt like a schoolboy that had been passed a paper note behind the teachers back. Use it wisely.
He chuckled at the insolence of it. As if anyone was up to telling him what to do!
***
The messages changed slightly in tone only a few days later.
“You look good in a tux.”
“You’re overdressed for a beach resort.”
“All the best, your secret admirer.”
By now the Doctor wouldn’t have need the hint to know that he wasn’t dealing with a psychopath, but with one Jack Harkness. He was amused and a little puzzled how Jack was pulling this off. Last time he had seen the man he’d left him with his team in Cardiff, after the Master had died he had disabled his Vortex Manipulator after all... He was also a little afraid that the explanation was something irresponsible and rash.
That Jack was using a Vortex manipulator was obvious, but how did he know where the Doctor would be?
The next message read: You shouldn’t flirt with strangers, and made him raise an eyebrow. He hadn’t even been aware that he was actively flirting with anyone. With Jack and his own flirting habits this could only be meant as a joke. So he decided to smile and laugh about it.
It was really quite charming - even if it was annoying.
He really wanted to know how Jack did it though. Vortex Manipulator or not this involved more than a little finesse on his part.
Then he received another note via the Psychic Paper: coordinates and “Wear the tuxedo. Love, Jack.”
For a moment he considered going anywhere but there, but curiosity won out in the end, of course. As Jack must have thought it would.
***
He’d expected a posh restaurant to round up the whole chliché, maybe an old fashioned earth establishment. Instead he found himself in a fancy futuristic ballroom. Still corny enough, the Doctor supposed.
Jack was around. He could feel him, although he hadn’t spotted him yet between all the rich and probably famous people that had gathered here for an entertaining evening.
“Care to dance?”
The Doctor turned and blinked at the outstretched hand. Jack had dressed up, too, and was smiling. He looked something between smug and deliberately mysterious.
“You know, dancing,” said Jack. “When you move your feet and body in time with some music. Seen you do it before. With a partner, too, if I remember correctly."
He glanced at the Vortex Manipulator and back at the smiling face. “We’re out of synch,” he remarked. It earned him a bright, knowing smile. Obviously Jack had known they would be out of synch.
“Does that mean we can’t dance?” he asked with a voice that sounded all too innocent. He didn’t draw back his hand, his eyes still twinkling with the smile.
The smug bastard was thinking he had the upper hand here. The Doctor looked over his shoulder at the dancing crowd, and the people drinking, talking and laughing at the side lines, then he stared at Jack again through narrowed eyes. “I lead.”
“Don’t you always?” Jack wasn’t even blinking, taking it in stride again.
The Doctor huffed, but finally took Jack’s outstretched hand. And of course, on top of it all, Jack was an amazing dancer. He really felt he should do something dramatic just to throw Jack off his high horse, to show him that he wasn’t just some passive little date you could drag along to the tunes you chose. He was good at dramatic - usually. But the dramatic things he’d normally do, wouldn’t come as surprise for Jack. Something Jack wouldn’t see coming?
So he did the one thing he could think of.
And he did have the satisfaction of seeing Jack’s eyes widen with surprise, just before he tugged him down to capture his mouth. He kissed Jack, long and hard and not in the least bit passive. He was only slightly aware of the arms that are suddenly wrapping themselves around his body, pulling him closer. Jack allowed the kiss to deepen, and the Doctor only noticed he had let himself be carried away when the music stopped and they pull apart, not really letting go of each other, but staring.
“That was unexpected,” Jack said with a smile.
The Doctor felt everything come to a stop, an unsettling feeling took hold of him. “This was a bad idea.” He stormed off back to the Tardis without another word. But he still heard Jack mumble: “Not the right time then.”
***
He was glad that there were no more messages - or that Jack had gotten his message. There was no sense in pursuing this. He didn’t have any interest in company. So what on earth had given Jack the idea that he was interested in anything else along these lines?
But what on earth had made him kiss Jack? And what on earth made him think about kissing Jack now?
***
It was nearly one month later when he finally figured something out: He was interested in Jack.
He was also afraid that it was a stupid and dangerous idea to pursue.
At this point he wasn’t even pretending that he really had a full grasp of all that was going on.
There were so many possible complications for both of them. Jack was immortal and the Doctor was as close as he could get. There would be no forever for them, but they’d forever be around. And that hadn’t worked out the first time he’d tried it - back when he’d been young and in love on Gallifrey.
But this was so much more complicated.
There was so much unresolved history and tension between them, and the Jack that had been following him around, wasn’t from the right point in time. This could go wrong in so many ways that it wasn’t even funny.
It reminded him of all that happened lately. It made him miss to have someone around, to share his experiences. Exploration was so much more fun with a travelling companion... But all his friends and loved one’s left through his own doing. Because he was this insufferable trouble magnet - and because there was that space between himself and other people, a gap he could not traverse for fear of hurting anybody else. He hadn’t allowed himself to let anyone too close since he had left Gallifrey, even if he had loved.
There was a reason why he was the one to leave others behind - over and over again.
That was when the first new message arrived. You know where to find me if you’re ever ready.
***
“Helllo.”
“Don’t even start.” He’d resisted for nearly two month, gallivanting around the universe, distracting himself, but not once had he managed to stop thinking about this. He didn’t follow others around the universe -- he just didn’t.
But when he’d finally decided to make up his mind and go looking for Jack anyway, it had been a matter of minutes to follow the traces of his impossibility and land right here in an alien jungle where Jack was. Future-Jack, as the Doctor had started to call him in his mind. “Our time-lines seem to be mixed up. I hope you’re happy now.” He tried to sound angry. Angry enough to hide his own confusion at coming here in the first place.
Jack smiled and pointed out the obvious: “You’re here.”
“Yes, I am.”
“What does that mean, then?” Jack's smile turned into a more serious expression. “Do I finally have your attention?”
The Doctor couldn’t hold a stern expression. “My attention! Is that what this is all about? You drive me crazy with your stupid...”
He didn’t get to say it, because Jack’s mouth was on his before he had even found the right word to describe what Jack had been doing to him. Jack’s tongue flicked at his lower lip and he felt a flash of heat go trough him. He shouldn’t let this happen without knowing what he really wanted. But he opened his mouth and was surprised to hear his own muffled gasp when there tongues touch. This is so much more forceful than the last time they’d kissed. The rush of emotion overrode all of his protests.
Suddenly he realized that he had his arms wrapped around Jack, holding him close. He'd no idea when that had actually happened, but it was good. He didn’t want to let go.
They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves all the way back to the Tardis, stumbling through the undergrowth without really looking where they were going. They were kissing again as soon as they were inside. Jack set the pace and he turned this kiss into something slow and deliberate. The Doctor was surprised to find that he wanted this.
His mind was already half way through analysing when exactly he had started to want this so badly, when Jack broke the kiss to nip his neck. “Stop thinking,” he told him. “You’re ruining all my hard work.”
He wanted to protest, complain, explain that this hadn’t anything to do with Jack leaving those messages, but finally his thoughts went silent when Jack kissed him again. His own hands were already fumbling with Jack’s shirt buttons.
The first room they passed was something like a cramped sitting room, but it had a comfortable sofa. The Doctor had the distinct feeling the room had been further down the hall just yesterday, but at the moment he was glad they didn’t have to stumble down the Tardis corridors for one minute longer.
Jack seems to agree, he lets go long enough to let himself fall onto the sofa, then pulls him down on top of himself.
This is crazy, the Doctor thought.
And scary....
And good.
***
They lay together on the cramped sofa, not saying anything. The Doctor was staring at the rooms dark ceiling. He felt content and warm, although most of his clothes were strewn about the floor. Jack was completely naked beside him, his hands tracing endless patterns on his exposed skin, watching him with an expectant expression.
“So you went to all this trouble for...” the Doctor started, pointedly not meeting Jack’s eyes.
“To teach you a lesson,” Jack answered, not ceasing the touching.
“A lesson?”
“Yup.”
The Doctor let the information sink in, before he looked at Jack who had his head resting on the Doctor’s chest now, looking like a content cat. “I’m not sure I learned something I didn't know before, really.”
“Oh, I think you did. And there are a few things I’d still like to teach you,” Jack chuckled. “Although that’s a different story.” He fell silent for a moment and the Doctor was thinking about asking again, but Jack finally took mercy and told him: “I wanted to remind you that you are not that different from us stupid human beings really. You don’t have too keep yourself apart. You need this as much as we do - once in a while at least.”
He tired to follow Jack's line of thinking and felt he had no idea what he was talking about. “Sex?” he asked, guessing.
“Intimacy, you idiot, Seriously can’t you think of anything but sex now? I knew I was good...”
He punched Jack’s arm lightly to shut him up “Stop bragging. How did you do it? The messages?”
“I had a little help, you know. The Tardis has records of all your travels.” He sat up to look down at the Doctor. “I met a you that had decided to be all alone, that maybe had gone through too much. I know how that feels believe me. And I decided to teach you a lesson before any of it happened so you would know that whatever happened, you’d never be truly alone. And your old girl - she kindly agreed with me.”
He sat up along side Jack. “You’re changing the flow of time!”
“Of course. I’m changing everything. A thing like me is impossible. Why not do impossible things? I only change what’s in flow anyway.”
“How can you be so flippant about it!”
“Don’t be a hypocrite. You meddle all the time.” Jack shrugged and let himself fall back into the cushions.
He knew Jack was right, but he just didn’t feel comfortable with the knowledge that something was possibly meddling with his time stream. “Don’t worry, Doctor. You can’t go back to change you own time-line. I know that, and I’m not changing mine. I’m changing yours. Just a tiny tittle bit.”
The Doctor didn’t feel at all appeased by that. Looking at Jack made him feel strange at the best of times. It was like looking into a void that was endless possibility and nothingness all at once. “You’re not going to tell me what happened?” He hated spoilers above all.
“No. Of course not.”
“Good.” He settled back down. “I’m not sure I learned the lesson you were trying to teach here.”
Jack cleared his throat. “Actually I’m sure the fact that we’re lying here is proof you have indeed learned something.” He stroked along the Doctor’s belly and he gasped in response.
“So what have I learned?” he asked with a sigh.
“You learned that I’m - oh so conveniently - never far away. And you can always find me if you want to.”
“Right. I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I’m made for this kind of... relationship.”
“I’d rather believe every relationship has a chance as long as both persons really want it to work,” Jack said, chuckling in a way that made the Doctor think he had missed the joke. “You think in the normal categories, you know. But with the two of us, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It can be anything we want it to be. No forever ever after, no staying together forever, but forever being together when we want or need it. Don’t you see? It can be all you want it to be - if you want it.”
And strangely he did see.
He'd find another companion and not travel alone any more.
***
It was after losing Donna, after losing Rose for the second time, after seeing a happy younger Jack who had no need of him, and after travelling alone for a while and nearly changing the history of Bowie Base One on Mars that he truly understood.
He'd been upset and had given in to the urge to find Jack. It hadn't been hard to do so. “I nearly did something horrible, Jack. I nearly changed a fixed point,” he said.
Jack - his Jack, the older one - was patting the seat beside him. “Sit down. You look like you could use some rest.” His voice was level, but his eyes showed how much he cared.
“I had to let them die... I didn’t want to.” He sat down. “I nearly went and changed everything.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I didn’t,” he said. “But I wanted to.”
Jack pulled him close, putting his arms around him. He was starting to get used to this kind of intimacy and let it happen without protest. “I know,” Jack whispered, “but I’m glad you didn’t.” He pressed a kiss to the Doctor’s temple. “I’m glad you didn’t. Some things have to happen.”
He didn’t ask what Jack knew about it. He didn’t want to know if something had changed. And he was glad he didn’t have to deal with these memories alone.
“Let's go from here,” Jack whispered. “It's all new territory for both of us from now on.”
One day he'd ask the question, ask about the hundreds of years Jack had lived without him. But today he was ready to just look forward.
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(Anonymous) 2011-05-01 07:33 am (UTC)(link)no subject
is the message missing?
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